Demi Moore in The Scarlett Letter

I’ve never felt so ostracized as I did post divorce.  I was the woman wearing the Scarlett Letter, it seemed.  It turns out you don’t need to be an adulterer to be shunned, especially if you are the one to end the marriage.

Can you return without the social stigma?  Is it true you can never go back?  Can you walk the same streets and feel like the same person?

If you have relocated after a difficult divorce, you may return one day and ask yourself these very questions.  I pondered these questions upon my return to a city my children still call home.

My favorite picture of my kids

Starting with the blue stick through to sticky glue, sticky fingers and sticky situations; motherhood has it all.  When we decide to have babies we think of it as a destination, a place we’ve come to or a decision we’ve made.   But motherhood defined, is a JOURNEY.   A beginning, middle and an end that hopefully never comes until it’s our turn to leave this world.

We can thank Paul Simon for the clever suggestions in “50 Ways To Leave Your lover Husband”.  Paul was one of the best singer, songwriters of his generation.  I remember this song as a child and thinking there was something very unusual about the tune and the lyrics.  It was both catchy and dangerous at the same time. 

Abuse during divorce is more common than we realize.  When we take the step to end our marriage, we extricate ourselves from the marital turmoil only to find ourselves the target of even more abusive behaviors.  The ex can become aggressive, verbally abusive, threatening, and sometimes paranoid.  The truth is the bigger their ego, the more intensely they react to the end of the marriage or relationship. 

The overwhelming issues surrounding your divorce include financial worries and a decrease in disposable income.  Suddenly one, or the same income is supporting two households.  Perhaps your support is inconsistent and often late.  The goal here is to get your budget closer to a ‘balance’.  You don’t have to be a financial wizard to take control.

Undoubtedly, one of the biggest challenges during divorce and in the initial stages of separation, is parenting. Parenting is a labour of love even in intact homes.  However, add divorce and it is  riddled with guilt, logistical obstacles, loneliness and tug of war.  If you’re experiencing any of this know you’re not alone.

We’ve grown up only to learn Cinderella’s carriage was a pumpkin to begin with.  Our foot never fit the glass slipper.  Sleeping Beauty ate a bad apple and maybe we took a bite from the same one.  We’re not in Kansas anymore!  Learning the fairy tale doesn’t always have that happy ending is a hard lesson, even for cynics.

What is divorce Month?   It’s a well known fact that more separations and divorces happen in January.  Even more break ups in less serious relationships happen this month, why?  January is the most dreary month of the year including the weather, the lack of daylight, the Christmas bills, and the lingering disappointments of the recent Christmas season. 

Unfortunately when we divorce, we divorce our in-laws as well.  Remaining on good terms can prove as challenging as remaining on good terms with your ex.

Once an in-law, now an out-law?