What is divorce Month?   It’s a well known fact that more separations and divorces happen in January.  Even more break ups in less serious relationships happen this month, why?  January is the most dreary month of the year including the weather, the lack of daylight, the Christmas bills, and the lingering disappointments of the recent Christmas season.  A lot of people are thinking about leaving their marriage long before Christmas but when the month of December approaches  guilt comes with it because   Christmas is a traditional time to spend  honoring your family unit.   How can I break up my family now, many ask themselves.  Usually when we are unhappy in our marriage, Christmas only brings this into sharper focus.  The stocking doesn’t get filled, your spouse puts you last again, and there was no effort put into your present.  Meanwhile you have taken the time to prepare yet another turkey dinner, host another evening for friends and stuffed all the stockings full of thoughtful little treasures.  Somehow you’ve ended up with the short end of the stick again.

You’ve had enough!  The bills are coming in, the weather is treacherous, it’s always dark out and the thought of Valentine’s Day with this person turns your stomach.   There is no good time to end a marriage, believe me.  Any day is highly inconvenient but if you are ending it now, know that you are not alone.  Millions of people are ending theirs this month, right this minute.   This is a life changing decision, one that can rarely be reversed.  The first step is to be 100% sure divorce is what you want.  After that, you can begin to move forward.

Here are some Divorce Month tips to get you started on your journey

-go online, or to the bookstore and immediately start searching for books and web-sites on divorce, parenting through divorce, when to end a marriage, and any other related topics (you’re here and that’s a start)

-make a list of pros and cons of your spouse  (don’t get caught) I realize this sounds simple but if you make an honest list you might be surprised by what it reveals

-make a list of your future goals

-take stock of your marriage (take the ‘Marriage Quiz’ click on the sub header at the top of this page)

-take time now to observe your marriage, where will the ship go if you stop steering it?

-seek support with a trusted friend or family member

-finally after careful thought, evaluation and introspection, begin your action plan

It’s important to take some time to research and contemplate what you intend to change in your life before discussing it with your spouse.  This way you can be certain before the ‘shit hits the  fan’.  Check my blog titled; Find your Thinking Place (November, 2011) for a reminder of the importance of solitude at a time of possible change.

Get ready for the ride of your life.  Be courageous and be brave and you’ll get through to the other side!

Resources to help you

How Do You Know When It’s Time To Go? by Dr. Lawrence Birnback and Dr. Beverly Hyman

When Your Life Changes or You Wish It Would by carol Adrienne, phD.

my favorite; The Great Escape: A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage by Lisa Thomson

Websites:

www.childcentereddivorce.com

www.divorcemag.com

www.divorceguide.com

www.lawyerlocate.ca (Canada),   www.findlaw.com

Have you already left your marriage?  Share with us how you left your marriage.  What is your best tip you would give other people leaving their marriage now?