Happy Sunday, Escapees. Today I’m over at Vishnu’s blog answering some burning divorce questions. I think you will find this an interesting interview and one worth sharing with loved ones who may be thinking about divorce right now. Here’s a snippet;

What led you to leave your marriage?

Well, I guess you won’t be surprised when I say it was multiple things rather than one event. It was many small and big things over many years that ultimately led to the demise of my marriage. I finally accepted my unhappiness at the core of my being and gave myself permission to accept that life wasn’t turning out the way I expected. I faced the fact that it had to change. I realized too that ending a marriage, knowing what we need in our life to live authentically, is a very personal matter.

Reading is one of my favorite hobbies as you likely have guessed. It follows suit to recommend novels with divorced heroes/heroines. We can always gain comfort from someone else’s divorce story fictional or fact. Similar to my television series and divorce movie countdown, here are the 14 books…

image source from unsplash by Didier Weemaels

Ideally, we would hire the best lawyer in town to handle our divorce proceedings. That’s not reality, however. The fact of the matter is very few of us can afford a top lawyer, and even many more can barely afford a bottom of the heap lawyer (not that we would recognize that until we’re half way through).

The sad truth about our divorce law is, it isn’t keeping up with the digital age and does nothing to rectify an economic divide when it comes to legal services.

“I have been a divorce lawyer for 20 years and the last time Canada’s Divorce Act was changed was in 1986, pre-dating the internet. In other words, Family Law in Canada operates as if the internet didn’t happen.”-Andrew Feldstein

That may be slowly changing though I’ll expand on that in a moment.

The question becomes should we spend our children’s education fund or our very last penny in our savings account on a lawyer? What choice do we have and how can we mitigate our financial losses during divorce.

Announcement

My new book available now: A Divorce Companion. This is the perfect accompaniment to my original book, The Great Escape; A Girl’s Guide to Leaving a Marriage which covers all your needs if you’re an economically dependent spouse initiating a divorce.

A Divorce Companion is complementary in that it tackles many topics in even greater detail. It is the result of five years of

10 Tips to improve your Christmas post divorce, is something I think will help anyone coping with co-parenting issues over the holidays. One of the most difficult times of the year for divorced and broken families is undoubtedly the Christmas Season.  Especially the first couple of years when it is a time for re-building and transitioning the new family unit.  What makes this even harder is having  to let go of old traditions.  Also, Christmas memories from before the divorce are still raw.  Due to these changes in family dynamics, the holidays become a challenge and a tug of war between households.  Neither Mom nor Dad want to be alone during this time and the children inevitably get caught in the middle.

image source; collider film review. Will Ferrel in Everything Must Go

Letting go of our stuff is one of the steps to moving forward but how and when can we do this? That’s the tricky part and there isn’t one perfect answer. Each of us hold different attachments to our things, stuff. We all have various degrees of emotional attachment.  At the outset of divorce we can be a little too hasty in discarding our old life. Until some time passes, we don’t know what these items will mean to us. What memory will they evoke or what part of ourselves will they represent. if any? If you’re not sure right now, then keep them and let some time pass before revisiting their worth.

image source HBO

HBO’s Divorce, the new show starring Sarah Jessica Parker, is both raw and funny.  I read a few reviews that weren’t favorable so my expectations weren’t exactly high. I’m happy to report though, that this show based solely on the Premier episode, has a

image source creative commons

Who’s that girl? They whisper as you walk away. “I used to know her when…” Reluctant to look you in the eye, they’ll watch you walk away. Their eyes burn your back. Talking to one another in hushed tones, they lean together conspiratorially. You would smile and say hello if only they would acknowledge you. Even so, you walk away with your head held high.

image source creative commons

Maybe while we were married we could afford to let a little money ‘go missing’ or be ‘stolen’ from our wallet but things change when we get divorced. If you’re a single parent, you’re likely on a budget or at the very least cognizant of where your pennies are going. Maybe you just want to tighten up your

Memory sketch of the back view of our old home

On facebook the other day, a divorced father and friend of mine (from one of the first divorce support groups I belonged to) posted an interesting set of photos. The status update read “went to see the old house today with the kids. We peeked inside the windows and went in the backyard. I planted that tree and look how big it is now.” He had some of his old photos mixed in with photos he took of the kids beside the tree today. I thought it was really great how he had images of 10 years ago and today, how the kids and trees had grown. Bitter-sweet, I think.

It got me thinking about my recent view of my old marital home, where my babies were born. I didn’t get to walk around and peek in windows. My view was a virtual one. I couldn’t see the back of the house but this sketch is from memory. It’s obvious I’m not an architect 😉 I must practice my sketching skills but I digress.