image source iampoopsie.com

One of the inevitable side effects of divorce is the ensuing gossip. Yes, little old you become fodder and material for idle gossip. Whether they’re neighbors, teachers, friends, acquaintances or sports parents your name seems to be on the tip of their tongue.

Speaking of perfection…do you fear your Christmas won’t be up to snuff?  Your gifts will be all ‘wrong’, your meal burnt?  Well, join the club.

Even though I’m almost finished my shopping, I still wonder if I bought enough and if everyone will be satisfied.  Has my love been adequately expressed through carefully wrapped gifts?  Nevertheless I’ve given much thought to who’s been naughty and who’s been nice!

image credit-Amazon

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown is definitely an antidote to therapy.  In therapy we look inside to see where we went wrong…but in the book, Brene reminds us to look outside ourselves and see the big picture.  It’s comforting when you’re going through difficult life changes, to know that it’s better to look at the big picture than focusing on your flaws.

“Justice is open to everyone in the same way as the Ritz Hotel”-Judge Sturgess

image; dreamstime

Caveat: This post is intended to empower you.  It is not legal advice.

It sounds crazy but some people find themselves in the Appellate Courts for their divorce.  Picture this; two people cannot agree on their divorce settlement  so they proceed to trial.  A judge decides for them how their assets will be divided and how much alimony if any will be awarded and where the kids will be and when.  But that’s not the end…

Inevitably, someone doesn’t ‘like’ the judgment.  Usually it’s the person who pays the support or deems he got less in the decision.  If he or she has the resources they take the judgment to Appeals in an attempt to change the decision….  Do they need grounds for the

  “The most beautiful people I’ve known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss,   and have found their way out of the depths.”
― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

LOSS-we all experience it, especially during divorce.  The fact is we lose stuff everyday; a thought, our keys, our phone, a memory, our coins, a contest, a challenge, a call and the biggest one of all—TIME.

In tackling this subject I really wanted to express the idea that loss is something we all deal with whether they’re losses that leave a crevice in our hearts or small ones, that niggle on the left side of our brain.

Loss is just an unfortunate part of life…

From the archives…dealing with anger never goes out of style.

Did you remember to take your happy pill today?  Last week?  Last month, last year?  OOps.  It’s hard to feel happy in the middle of an emotionally and financially taxing divorce.  Forgiveness, love, joy and fun are often substituted with grudge, hate, worry and anger.  So how do we deal with these negative emotions? Since we can’t take a happy pill and get over it, we have to look to other methods to adapt.  How about embracing it?  Owning it? 

Hint: It wasn’t a love letter…Today I’m over at DivorcedMoms.com. Come on over and check out this fabulous site.  It proves to be an unprecedented resource for women navigating divorce.

image source; MissLeslieKnopeTumblr

From the archives, how to cheer up the darker days…

The days are getting shorter, the nights colder.  Although we can’t bring back the light of the summer and we can’t stop the rain from falling on our heads, there are always the simple, small ways to lift our spirits.  If you are mid-divorce especially, the darkness out your window only adds to your dark mood.

The Royal Tenenbaums is a film about family relationships including divorce and separation. 

It is one of Wes Anderson’s finest films featuring twisted, kinky, loving,  cheated and needy people who make up a mostly neurotic family.

Why would I choose to highlight this film on my blog?  Simple.  It’s a great example of taking situations related to divorce and making them funny…and…if the Royal Tenenbaums can get through their outrageous problems so can we…

Being too nice during your divorce

can cost you…money, assets and even the kids.  I’ve heard many stories of regret and loss due to taking the ‘high road’ and being ‘nice’.  This is especially true for us women as we are raised to be caring and nurturing. It’s part of our feminine quality.  It’s double true for women who make the decision to leave.  They, more than anyone are troubled with guilt which leads to being too nice and trying to keep everyone happy.