First, let me just say this isn’t a post about how to know if you are an empath. I just want to express the problems I’ve experienced as an empath myself and offer tips for those of you who are feeling especially tapped out right now.
Empaths are vulnerable to abusive people who take advantage of their good nature and well of compassion. Empaths are far from perfect and are often told they are too sensitive.
Basically, what happens for me, is my compassion for someone (a friend, family member, a child especially, an animal) overflows. In other words, it’s like a wave that begins in my heart and builds and builds until it spills over. When that happens I feel the need to take action. The action will likely be something to ease that person’s or pain and suffering.
For example, many years ago, a good friend of mine lost her 6 month old daughter. Her husband called me from the hospital at 3 am. We all know 3 am calls never follow with good news.
Barely awake, I got up and dressed within moments and left the house on that late winter morning without a sip of coffee or any sustenance whatsoever. It didn’t occur to me that I may need to feed myself before embarking on this trip of compassion.
I won’t go into details here except to say that the events of that day marked me for months even years to come. I spilled my heart out for this friend, taking every opportunity to lighten her load. Time, love, even cleaning her house for her as a surprise while she was away…because I am (but didn’t know the name for it back then) an empath.
During this time, a friend of my husband’s asked me why I cared so much and did I enjoy the pain of death and dead babies? Yeah, you could say he was insensitive. Nonetheless, his question had me wondering the same thing. Why was I so caring and at what cost to me did I embark on this compassion?
Well, today, I understand myself a whole lot better than I did 22 years ago.
I am an empath—always have been. Looking back I see it clearly.
When I was first married, I began watching the evening news and this wasn’t something I did prior to marriage…so you could say I wasn’t yet desensitized. I cried sometimes when I watched the news and my new husband told me I had better toughen up or I wouldn’t get anywhere in life. He wondered what was wrong with me and so did I. Consequently, I suppressed my empathy for a few years.
Lately, I have cried again watching the news. Granted these are emotional times. The pandemic combined with police brutality and racial inequality. It’s all pretty intense. I know I’m not alone in these feelings.
Why discuss this now? If you are like me, then you have to learn to turn off or—-shield—-yourself. Now, more than ever, when we turn on the news and it’s violence and mayhem.
I have just had to learn this lesson all over again with my own mother. She is in a seniors care facility and I wrote about my feelings on this here. As I have not agreed that this is the best place for her during covid-19, I have spent quite a bit of energy trying to fix this situation. It doesn’t help that my mother calls me and tells me things that indicate to me she is very lonely and depressed.
I became sick with worry over her. I even lost sleep at night, waking up and seeing her in my mind, pacing, as her nurse said she does at night. I wanted to fix this for her. I wanted to provide comfort and care for her during this pandemic. I needed to take action.
I realized in the last few days though, that this is unhealthy for several reasons: 1) I don’t have the power to make decisions for her, 2) I realize I was letting that build-up of compassion overflow again and 3) many do not understand my action plan and this can cause resentment.
I think for people who are not empaths, they do not understand your pure motives and tend to look for ulterior ones where there are none. Again, this can deplete the empath and cause frustration.
It’s time to recharge and remind myself of a few things. Taking care of my own health is important. Getting proper rest and realizing when to stop when I ‘ve tried everything to help someone. If it isn’t meant to be then I need to let go and accept that I have done my best.
This isn’t easy for an empath. We want to help those in need especially the ones we love.
If you are an empath too, remind yourself to fill your heart before continuing to spill over your compassion. Don’t let others take advantage of your willingness to help and/or question your motives.
1 Recharge your energy in nature
2 Know when it’s time to stop
3 Meditate
4 Listen to relaxing music
5 Re-evaluate your goals/intentions/action plan often
6 Tend to physical pain caused from emotional over-load
It seemed like a good time to share this self reflection with you. And, yes, I am doing all six of these things now (not all at once but you know what I mean).
I think the trick is controlling and utilizing your empathic abilities rather than letting it control you. That’s it, Grasshopper.
6 things to do now if you're an empath. Self care is more important now than ever before. #empath #tips #selfcare Click To TweetHave you found yourself taking action that is futile, in hopes of alleviating the pain of others? Do you draw a line before you have depleted your own reserves? Share your own tips in the comments!
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Jane Thrive
August 14, 2020 at 11:36 amAll the love and hugs to you, Lisa. I think maybe that’s one of the reasons we connect so well even over the digital medium–we both are empathic to the point of where it can be hurtful. I feel for you on so many levels!! (LOL and i just realized that is both true and sounds like a pun or a joke) 😀
Love!!
lisa
August 14, 2020 at 6:32 pmAw, thank you Jane! So nice to see you pop up 🙂 Hugs. Yes, it can be hurtful and sometimes its my own fault for getting over involved letting my heart take over. You’re definitely one, Jane and it reads pretty clear in your writing. 😀 that’s funny. Love the pun!
Unoke Solomon
July 1, 2020 at 5:59 amThe one important thing I’m taking away from this is remember to always recharge in nature.
Being an empath can be draining sometimes when you have to watch all that’s going on in the world today.
Thank you.
lisa
July 1, 2020 at 11:07 amYes, thank you, Unoke. enjoy the outdoors.
ShootingStarsMag
June 23, 2020 at 6:03 amWonderful post! I’ve always been curious about empaths. I think I’m one to an extent. I wouldn’t say I have all the traits. I love this post though, because it IS important to remember to take care of yourself and that you can’t do all things for all people. It’s a really overwhelming time in the world!
-Lauren
lisa
June 23, 2020 at 11:11 amThank you, Lauren 🙂 It’s great that there’s more information available now. Yes, with everything happening, it’s easy to get overwhelmed but important to take a breath.
Tamara
June 22, 2020 at 6:23 amI’ve always thought I was one, and without any real control over it. Like I’m just flattened by other people sometimes, or I numb it too much because otherwise, how would I exist?
And in this insane world right now, gosh, it’s hard.
lisa
June 22, 2020 at 9:19 amIt wouldn’t surprise me that you are an empath, Tamara. It makes sense. Also the ability to detach is important and I’m sure you had to learn that very young. Balance…it always comes back to that principle. I’m glad I wrote this post because it’s helped me process and remind me to balance, too.
Suzanne @ The Bookish Libra
June 18, 2020 at 6:08 pmVery good advice here and I completely agree that self care is more important than ever right now. Everything in the news is just so emotionally draining right now.
lisa
June 18, 2020 at 7:51 pmRight? It really is, regardless if you’re super sensitive or not. The news is quite the roller coaster ride right now. Thanks, Suzanne 🙂
Amy Aed
June 18, 2020 at 1:35 pmI think that the key thing is finding that balance – you still need to value yourself, but having empathy for others is an invaluable skill and something that could really impact others lives in a positive manner.
lisa
June 18, 2020 at 7:50 pmYes, that’s true, Amy. Thanks for sharing. And it’s easy to get caught up and wonder what we’re doing when the results aren’t positive. Valuing our feelings and balancing them is important. Nice to see you.
Jacqui Murray
June 18, 2020 at 7:25 amThat is difficult. I feel that but am able to prioritize and evaluate. I sure would love you as a friend!
lisa
June 18, 2020 at 10:31 amGood for you, Jacqui. I’m learning. LOL, thank you!! Blog friends count, too.
Marie Kléber
June 18, 2020 at 6:57 amThank you for sharing parts of your story on this subject Lisa.
I can relate and I know – even if I tend to forget – that we need to protect ourselves in a way so we don’t loose ourselves in this relation to others.
lisa
June 18, 2020 at 10:30 amYes, it’s easy to get caught up when you’re empath. Learning curve can be sharp.
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
June 17, 2020 at 2:03 pmAll great advice, Lisa. Being an empath includes many moments of sheer emotional and physical exhaustion and obsessing over the painful things in life.
lisa
June 17, 2020 at 2:41 pmExactly true, Marcia. You speak from experience. xx
Balroop Singh
June 17, 2020 at 11:14 amI agree with you Lisa, the trick is controlling your empathetic abilities, as too much sensitivity and angst tells upon our health. One important aspect of weaning away from this emotion is detachment. I know it is not easy to detach from persons we love but once we start thinking about, we can accomplish it. Earlier it was very painful for me but now, whenever empathy hits me, I tell myself… detach! Detachment from emotions also helps. I agree it is a long process but there comes a time when self-care seems a priority.
lisa
June 17, 2020 at 12:54 pmSo well said, Balroop. I thank you for your wisdom. I am the Grasshopper who is still learning. Getting better though. Detachment is good practice. xx