Are you a single mom of a hockey player or a equestrian horse rider? How do you make ends meet and for how long can you sustain the costs of your kid’s high priced sport?
Check it out; There is a big difference between horseback riding and equestrian riding, tennis and golf, roller hockey and ice hockey, ski lessons amd ski racing. The substantial difference in not only cost but commitment on the part of your child(ren) and the family as a whole.
Incidentally, these are referred to as Section 7 costs in the Canadian Divorce Act in the federal Child Support Guidelines. The formula to split these costs between mom and dad is proportional to income. This will have a bearing on both parents during the divorce.
Divorce may render your children’s high priced extracurricular activity unaffordable. For example, many of the above mentioned sports require a large percentage of family income be diverted to sustain your child’s enrollment. These are what are referred to as extraordinary costs. There’s a reason they’re called that.
Annual ski race registration average for under 12 YO = $1,200. This number does not include lift ticket, race entry fees, equipment and travel expenses for individual races. Ski lesson costs = $52 per group lesson. Even if a child enrolled in lessons over months it wouldn’t come close to the costs of enrollment in the race program.
Annual Ice hockey registration fees average $750 plus equipment costs close to $1,000. Annual Roller Hockey registration fees average $165 and equipment costs average $200.
As such, I think it’s helpful if divorcing parents can sit down together and weigh out the benefits vs. the drawbacks with a realistic view of what the family can afford in the new circumstances.
Divorcing parents can sit down together and weigh out the benefits vs. the drawbacks with a realistic view of what the family can afford. Click To TweetUnfortunately, many parents are reluctant to take their child out of a sport or training that they’ve already sunk a great deal of time and money into. “Why should our child pay the price for your mistake?” you may hear one parent saying. Or worse, “why don’t you pay for __________ ” fill in the blank here.
Both of our children were ski racers and had joined the program in first grade. So, they had been in the sport for about six years or more when we separated.
Although they continued in the sport at extraordinary costs, I was only responsible to pay an amount proportionate to my income. Therefore my contribution was not equal to my ex-husband’s because he earned a much higher income. Even with that rule in place, paying for this sport was not doable in my situation. I paid what I could and bore the expense of travel to volunteer and watch their races. Note that they were also taking music lessons, roller hockey, horseback riding, football and soccer. I bore the registration costs for most of those, so we really weren’t following the section 7 cost split to the T. It’s likely that your child is also taking other extracurriculars in addition to the high priced one.
Ski racing costs are in the double digits per child. For example, their father claimed in excess of $20,000 of ski expenses for one year. Note that as the children grow and enter into youth racing, the requirements become more costly. Out of country training programs, dryland training sessions during off-season, and upgrading ski equipment, are all significant costs.
Regardless of how much you want your child to continue in their high priced sport they will likely decide to quit at some point. It’s their choice. When my daughter ‘quit’ ski racing, she told me she felt like a quitter. I told her she was far from a quitter. She may have ‘retired’ but that was a courageous decision to make. Now, she was free to try new and different things.
I’m not picking on ski racing. My kids have gained an amazing work ethic, commitment and inner drive based on their experience in the ski race program. They have made life long friends and learned to tough out the extreme elements. That said, when I picked up my son, then 14, after an out of town weekend of racing (in the care of his coach) my heart almost broke. He could barely walk as he had suffered severe frost bite in almost all of his toes. It wasn’t long after this incident that he made a decision to retire from ski racing altogether.
My daughter as well had her share of frost bitten toes and cheeks. She even broke a thumb in addition to having her front tooth broken when a slalom pole retracted directly in her face. Another fissure in my heart. Her retirement came a year later. It wasn’t a moment too soon for mom. I was beginning to question the logic behind a sport that was quickly becoming an obsession. Not to mention we seemed to be living a life that was no longer realistic based on our new circumstances.
The moral of this story is this; although we prefer to keep things the same for our children during divorce, it is sensible to re-evaluate high priced sports programs. It isn’t the end of the world if the family income cannot support a high priced sport for their child who once enjoyed that priviledge. There are always options.
Besides, ask children involved in these sports and I’m willing to bet half of them could care less if they continued but they are afraid to say so. Why? Because one or both parents have placed such importance on it that the child fears their reaction if they were to confess they were ready to quit. They worry that quitting will negatively impact their relationship with that parent.
With that in mind, it’s relevant to consider how enthusiastic your child is about their sport. Is it likely they will retire in a year or two? Would it be wrong to discuss the situation with a teen, and find out exactly how they would feel about giving it up?
You may be wondering “What if my child is exceptional at the sport?” Well, are they headed for the Olympics or a professional team? Let me just say that we all feel our children are exceptional. Look at their stats for the answer. Aside from their ability, what’s more important is how they feel about their sport. Look at their emotional response, and their attitude toward it to get to the heart of whether your child must continue in a high priced sport.
Parents could decide what to do based on the age of the child. If they’re very young they wouldn’t even notice if you switched them into a more affordable sport, for example. On the other hand if, like my kids, your child has been historically involved for their whole childhood, a serious discussion needs to happen. The parents should discuss the issues first (in true co-parenting style), then include the child(ren) in order to decide whether continuing in a high priced sport is financially feasible.
Divorce changes a lot of things. Our lifestyle changes and consequently, so does our children’s. We can make a concerted effort to maintain the status quo, but when we’re considering extraordinary costs for sports we may have to re-consider the value versus ability of the family to continue funding it.
When we're considering extraordinary costs for sports we may have to re-consider the value versus ability of the family to continue funding it. Click To TweetDid or do your children participate in high priced sports during your divorce? Share your tips for other parents dealing with this change.
image source unsplash.com by
Comments are closed.
Design by ThemeShift.
luke53
March 23, 2020 at 8:33 amGreat Writing!
I really like it very much.
Thanks for sharing this type of post
Markar Smith
January 28, 2020 at 1:08 amYou are doing good job Lisa .
Great article i really like the way you write.
Myracketsports
November 22, 2019 at 10:32 amYes it may cost a huge amount of money. But as a parents investing at sports would be the best investment to kids. I completely agree with you, but here are some sports that do not cost much such as tennis, pickleball, badminton, table tennis etc.
Mark Miller
July 1, 2019 at 6:55 amwow that’s a lot of costs for single mother didn’t know that because I am not married yet and don’t have kids
now I think I will have to rethink about marriage
now I know about the cost of sports 🙂
thanks to you
Ali
May 28, 2019 at 10:51 amThis was a great post Lisa, I really adore your work and the struggles you are doing as a single mom More power to you.
Susy
May 12, 2019 at 2:47 amI just love to play & enjoy sports. It’s been always a great to have some fun with sports. Great thinking. Keep this up.
Mark And
March 29, 2019 at 3:58 amHey Lisa, That was a fantastic post. The issues that you mentioned in the post are really true. Have a friend who is currently divorced and have a boy. She have been struggling to provide the best for him. Some of things you mentioned above are a reality as i see it her and her kid. Though i feel sorry for her.
lisa
March 29, 2019 at 10:34 amYeah, it makes it hard to keep up with the Jones or your child’s friends. I’m sure she is making good decisions to find a balance between extracurriculars and financial stability. Thanks for stopping over, Mark.
Raunak@Raunak's Sports
March 15, 2019 at 1:40 amGreat Writing!
I really like it very much.
Thanks for sharing this type of post.
keep it up!
Christine Carter
March 14, 2019 at 9:20 amLisa, as you well know, both my kids are in club sports that cost a FORTUNE to us. We are grateful to scrape by to afford it because they are so invested in their sport and get so much out of it. We decide annually if we should allow them to continue, and when we identify all the growth in many areas of their character, their physical health, and their social life because of their sport, we agree to sign on once again.
I am so glad you brought up such an important topic to work through when facing divorce. Your advice and insight are SO helpful. I’m going to share this on my page, with hopes that it helps guide those facing these hard decisions.
lisa
March 15, 2019 at 12:54 pmChris, it sounds like you and your hubs are taking a very healthy approach to this. Weighing the benefits vs. costs and not just in money terms. Sounds awesome! thanks for reading and sharing your experience 🙂
My Inner Chick
March 10, 2019 at 7:21 amAs always,
fabulous, vital information, Lisa.
You are a lifesaver for so many. 🙂
Also, I LOVE the way you have the bold titles for each transition!
I really LOoooooooooooooVE that!
xxxx from Duluth.
lisa
March 11, 2019 at 8:36 amThank you so much, Kim! The subtitles help for these longer posts, for sure. xxoo 🙂
Sujana MADISON
March 8, 2019 at 11:41 amreally awesome thinking and informative. i learnt some things which i never know. i m a mother of two children and i know how tough the situation when we face it. really appreciable…..
lisa
March 9, 2019 at 10:27 amThanks, Sujana!
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
March 8, 2019 at 8:19 amThe extracurricular activities certainly are expensive. My first three kids were involved in dozens of activities. By the time the fourth came along, I had to scale waaaaay back. Fortunately, my kids grew tired of certain sports and asked to drop out.
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:55 amYes, and I was going to say that the number of children in the family will also have an impact on these decisions. How can you dole all the family income into one child and not the others? 😛 yes, and that’s usually what happens eventually (not that we want them to quit). We want them to feel comfortable with that decision, too.
ShootingStarsMag
March 7, 2019 at 8:12 amI have a young cousin who has played ice hockey for years and they travel all over, so I KNOW it has to cost a pretty penny. I imagine it would be tough for a divorced couple to make that work, so it’s definitely something to think about.
-Lauren
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:53 amYes, two households changes a lot of things. Sometimes it will cause one parent to take charge of one sport while the other takes care of a different one. It really does come down to effective co-parenting. Thanks, Lauren!
Jane Thrive
March 6, 2019 at 10:22 amGreat post, Lisa! Bearing the extracurricular costs can be both a blessing and a burden. My ex is not the most compromising or easy-going around pretty much anything 🙁 so honestly, i bear all the costs so I don’t have to deal with his harping and moaning and complaining. Also, it helps me with planning with practices, etc. The burden side however can be that if he’s not invested in supporting the girls, then suddenly big sister no longer wanted to pursue one of her activities (this happened years ago). I took it in stride, though, since it opened a door for her to try something different. I wish I had a coparenting situation where extracurriculars could be shared in a more fair manner, but honestly it’s worth eliminating the stress from my life in dealing with his bullying and negative nature. Some of my post-divorce life is measuring is it fair vs. is it worth the emotional strain to make it more fair? I’m still making peace and in therapy about this!! Love and hugs to you!!!
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:51 amThanks, Jane <3. Oh, that is highly unfair that you must bear ALL costs. I take it that extracurriculars were not part of the child support order. 😛 I can't imagine why he would not want to contribute...unless, well this: "...it’s worth eliminating the stress from my life in dealing with his bullying and negative nature." TRUE.
"Is it fair vs. the emotional strain of making it more fair?" I get that, Jane. You need to get on with the business of raising your kids without constant conflict. Makes sense. The upside is you have control over this area of their life and can discuss with them if it's time to make a change etc.
Sounds like your'e doing it right! Thanks for sharing here.
Clint
March 6, 2019 at 10:15 amAlso what about the cost of equipment and if its competitive team as well you then have hotel rooms and food as well
You can try some of these strategies for savings EQ Bank Tangerine are better savings alternatives than the big 5 banks take advantage of TFSAs
Put something away every month
Shop clearance sales and buy used vehicles savings are huge there are huge steals in there to and sometimes you find left overs from previous years huge mark downs
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:45 amYes exactly. The equipment and hotel/travel costs are above and beyond registration and often not clear until you’re fully involved. Thanks for the money saving tips, Clint!
Balroop Singh
March 6, 2019 at 10:10 amThis post may be an advice for a few but it comes to me as heart-warming memories of children, which we carry in our heart as most precious. We would never say quit till they are ready to decide and I belong to a culture that would draw every penny out for my children to let them thrive in their activities…ha ha! emotions…yep, I wonder why they are so important for me!!
Thank you Lisa for such a lovely post and making it appealing with your personal experiences.
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:44 am🙂 Yes, memories of our kids’ childhood is always fond. It’s wonderful to encourage and maintain our children’s sports at any cost however, a family should avoid debt. I agree with you, Balroop, that it’s emotional, too. Thanks for sharing your valued thoughts here!
Tamara
March 6, 2019 at 9:47 amThat’s such an interesting point I’d never think about without knowing your words, and friends going through this. We have our close friends who have gotten divorced and the summer camp/school year sports stuff is insane. Like, who pays, do they agree on things, who goes to games, etc.
As usual, you are the voice of reason!
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:42 amThanks, Tamara and yes, it’s not something that’s talked about much. It should be taken care of in the child support agreement although it may have been overlooked by your friends’ lawyer. It’s quite a burden if only one parent is left to pay for ALL extracurriculars.
DGKaye
March 5, 2019 at 8:48 pmExcellent post my friend. A great explanation of how things have to change monetarily when there’s a split. I don’t have kids but I was one who grew up with parents who continuously broke up and got back together. Don’t even go there with me. It will make you dizzy. LOL <3
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:40 amThanks, Deb! Unfortunately, sometimes things have to change. OH, yes and how devastating for a child. Reading your memoir, my heart ached for you, Deb. You probably weren’t in any extracurriculars, never mind high priced sports 😛
Suzanne @ The Bookish Libra
March 5, 2019 at 5:20 pmIt amazes me how much some of the kids’ sports actually cost. Thankfully my son only plays soccer and it’s a Parks & Rec league that only costs $45 plus the price of cleats, shinguards, and a few other basics. But I’ve looked into the travel soccer leagues and had to just say no because they were over $1,000 a year.
lisa
March 8, 2019 at 9:38 amYES. And there are various league levels. Soccer is a very accessible sport for families. My daughter played for years, although my son had zero interest in it. As long as they’re having fun, right? Thanks for sharing, Suzanne 🙂