Think Twice

by , on
February 17, 2015

I wrote this piece last Spring but have never published it until now. I was moved and inspired by a video made by The New York City Rescue Mission.

With the #1000VoicesSpeakforCompassion movement started by Lizzi Rogers over at Considerings-Life In Silver Linings, I thought now is the perfect time to share it.

It’s not so much about other people’s compassion as it is about my own, that I believe was lacking in the past and still today.  It’s about the homeless. It’s also about my own experience and my learned reaction to people on the street. I have a long way to go to be considered compassionate toward the street life but I hope by writing and sharing this piece, I move a little closer.

Think Twice

IT’S not something we think could ever happen to us. We’re living all snug and cozy in our humble abodes oblivious to a single, universal truth.  No one is immune to homelessness.  Of course, why ponder this even for a minute?  Why go there at all.  Isn’t thinking about it like asking it to happen.

I was temporarily homeless due to unforeseen circumstances. More on that in a minute…

We’re not comfortable talking about it or even thinking about it.  It happens to other people not to me It happens in other families, not ours.  I think this is human nature to live in denial.  If we don’t see it then it doesn’t exist.  I understand.  I do it too.  I walk on a downtown street and step around the homeless.  I smell them before I see them sometimes.  I often look the other way.

I read an article written by a formerly homeless person and he said the most painful thing about being homeless was people didn’t look at you.  Being invisible hurt.  A homeless man, the other day almost kicked the coffee shop door right into my face.  I guess he was so used to being invisible that he himself stopped seeing.  He was oblivious, holding his coffee in one hand and pulling his bag of empty cans in the other (hence using his foot to kick the door open).  These people are hardened to life on the street and aren’t concerned about common manners.  I was just lucky I didn’t get it right in the face.

On Huffington Post I came across an article.  It proved just how invisible the homeless truly are.  If someone in your family was living on the street, would you recognize them if you walked past?  The results of this experiment were astonishing and certainly inspired this post.

“In this social experiment, unsuspecting people walked by relatives pretending to be homeless. Would they notice their family members? Or have the homeless become invisible?”

Watch this clip and see for yourself…go ahead, I’ll be here when you get back. (the owner of the video has disabled embedding so I was unable to post it here but please watch before reading the rest of my post :))

Have The Homeless Become Invisible?

As much as we love our family, we may not ‘see’ them when they’re on the street in need.  Of course, here the people were unwittingly ‘set up’ as part of the experiment. Their reaction when they realize they didn’t recognize their own loved one, was shock, shame and disbelief. We all want to think we see, we notice those in need but the truth is, we don’t.   Makes us think twice, doesn’t it?

I see the hustlers on the street too.  Right or wrong, I have less sympathy for them.  They’re aggressive in attempting to get your money.  They may run up to you at the intersection wanting to wash your windshield.  I always wonder, if you have that kind of energy couldn’t you find a job?  Then I realize they’re taking home more money washing windshields on a busy intersection then they ever could hope to get at McDonald’s. But that’s another issue.

My brief homeless experience taught me the insecurity, loss and fear involved.  I didn’t do anything wrong or not pay my rent.  I’m not mentally ill or an addict.  I have assets that would surely protect me from such a demise.

None of that mattered the night my apartment building caught fire.

In all that ensued; shock, no access to our personal belongings, being forced to find a new home, retrieving our necessities from a smoke damaged apartment…it was stressful.  It was a shock to the system.  It made us realize how quickly a living situation can change and due to no fault of your own.

I learned important lessons.

1. No one is immune to homelessness, either temporary or permanent.

2. Money can buy a hotel room but it’s no substitute for the comforts of home.

3. Insurance can help mitigate losses but it doesn’t provide emotional support.

Many circumstances could lead a person to homelessness either temporary or long term; natural disaster, fire, addiction, debt, job loss, mental illness, divorce…Yes, I just said the D word.  Divorce can cause a sudden and sharp financial loss.  That’s why we prepare for this and any other possibilities that could change our lives.  So, when we really think on it we are not immune.

I’m not saying we should live in fear but we should have a backup plan.  I’m not saying we should open our doors and provide our life savings to strangers on the street but we should at least notice themIf we begin to realize it could be us then we will have more compassion for them.

Whether we agree, like or dislike who we see as homeless, it’s important to realize none of us are immune. This reminder will allow us to see the human being under the tattered clothing.   Less judgment and more compassion will give us a better understanding.  I know I need to work on this all the time.  I also know how grateful I became for my new apartment after losing the old one so suddenly.  Think twice. IT’s another day in Paradise.  You and me in paradise…a song from Phil Collins 1990, still relevant today.

 

Have you or someone you love, ever experienced homelessness?  Did you ever have to think twice?

You can add your voice to  #1000VoicesSpeak for Compassion by LIKING the facebook page.

 

32 Comments

  1. Alone But Connected #1000Speak | Lisa Thomson How To Leave Marriage

    May 20, 2015 at 10:58 am

    […] My previous piece for #1000Voices Think Twice […]

  2. Qzoke Wordpress Tips and Tricks

    March 10, 2015 at 6:07 am

    hey lisa, its an awesome post. very true about thinking twice

    • lisa

      March 10, 2015 at 8:54 am

      Thanks!

  3. Charlotte

    February 23, 2015 at 11:16 am

    I love that you posted this and you’re so very right–it’s not something I think about often enough and I think (inadvertently) I did adopt the “it happens to other people” mentality (I’m ashamed to admit).

    Ooof. Those words hurt. That someone who is homeless feels as though they are an invisible member of society.

    Thank you so much for bringing awareness to such an important issue. XOXO

    • lisa

      February 23, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      Thanks, Charlotte. Yes, I was guilty of that thought process until my 40th decade on this planet, I’m ashamed to say. Experience has taught me otherwise and allowed me to feel more compassion than before. xoxo

  4. Mandi

    February 23, 2015 at 9:20 am

    It can happen to anyone, and it does. It’s hard to make eye contact with the guy on the corner holding the sign, but he’s human. He deserves to be acknowledged. I passed a group of girls at the supermarket selling girl scout cookies. It was my third time at the store in one weekend. (I know. I should make a list.) The first two times, I bought cookies. The next time I said, “Sorry. I’ve already bought them, but good luck.”

    The man on the corner deserves the same respect. I don’t have to give him money. I don’t have to give him anything. The least I can do is acknowledge that he’s there and maybe offer him the kindness in my eyes and a little prayer that today is better for him than yesterday.

    Great post. I’m glad your homelessness was only temporary.

    • lisa

      February 23, 2015 at 9:33 am

      Hi Mandi, You’re absolutely right! I like your comparison to buying the cookies. We don’t have to give them anything to show compassion, simply notice them. Great point!

  5. Hani

    February 23, 2015 at 3:26 am

    Hi Lisa,
    What a nice written post.
    I really love from core of my heart. Really we have to think at least twice to take any decision.
    Thanks for sharing….

  6. Joy Christi

    February 20, 2015 at 10:10 am

    This is so beautiful and perfect. Thank you for posting this. It is very difficult for us to face our own fortune, however we see our own situation, and acknowledge the struggle of others. It’s why this day is so important. To remind us that people in dark times are still that, PEOPLE. Great job, Lisa!

    • lisa

      February 22, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      Thank you, Joy! Well said.

  7. My Inner Chick

    February 20, 2015 at 7:27 am

    —–The misunderstood are often the most “Judged.”
    This sentence, Lisa: “Being invisible hurts,” is TRUE.
    O, My, all of us want to be “SEEN, validated, Heard.”
    Wonderful and enlightening, as always, dear. xxx

    • lisa

      February 22, 2015 at 6:13 pm

      Thank you, Kim! Indeed we want to be ‘heard’ and ‘seen’. xoxo

  8. Shelah

    February 20, 2015 at 7:04 am

    Hi, Lisa! Very inspiring! I’m with you in the realization that I definitely have room to grow into expressing compassion more! Hope you’re having a great day! 🙂

    • lisa

      February 22, 2015 at 6:12 pm

      Thanks, Shelah! It’s a tough topic and situation to acknowledge.

  9. Tamara

    February 18, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    I have always loved that song, because it’s always made me think twice.
    I always did think I was immune to homelessness. I figured it could never happen because I know too many people, and they wouldn’t let that happen to me. I never factored in how many issues could cause homelessness. One could be mental illness, which I’m not immune from. And it could cause me to destroy relationships and situations and opportunities.
    Not that I’m prone to that particularly, but it just makes me think. Twice!

    • lisa

      February 22, 2015 at 6:09 pm

      Excellent point of view, Tamara. I love that song, too. It always made me think twice. Where I lived a the time that song was on the radio, winters could get below 30 degrees (celcius) and that song always made me wonder how those people dealt with the cold. Even though there were shelters, they fill up fast when the temperatures drop dangerously low.

  10. Jane Thrive

    February 18, 2015 at 3:52 pm

    Hi Lisa,

    You really do have the heart the size if Texas! Thank you for sharing your insight on this topic. It’s so sad and you are inspiring to me. I think part of the reason people look the other way is that the problem is so big, they (and I) feel helpless in the face of it. Thank you for bringing it a little closer, for bridging the gap. And yes, divorce can cause homelessness or threaten it in very real ways. I was a thin thread from losing my house and I’m so grateful to have been able to stay here. i don’t know what I would do if on top of everything else, I had to figure out how to find a new home for my girls and me at the same time…and i know that many women find themselves in that predicament.

    • lisa

      February 22, 2015 at 6:07 pm

      Aw, thank you, Jane!I’m happy for you that you were able to keep your home! Yes, it’s not always the case. You’re inspiring to me too, Jane!

  11. Karen

    February 18, 2015 at 1:45 pm

    This is a powerful and impactful post, Lisa. I believe you have made an important point here. I think many homeless people know that not all of us are in the position to give them anything, but I do believe they would still appreciate eye contact, a nod, a smile, or any sort of acknowledgement. I am not naive enough to think that is the case always, but I do think we should be more aware. My husband is a police officer and so over time has had to harden his shell, but I do remind him to remember that every person he has dealings with is just that, a person.

    • lisa

      February 19, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      Hi Karen, Thank you for sharing your perspective. It’s great you can temper your Husband’s point of view. I’m sure he sees terrible things on the streets. Eye contact can help us find a little compassion in our hearts.

  12. Balroop Singh

    February 17, 2015 at 6:59 pm

    Hi Lisa,

    This post talks about so many emotions – I could feel the fear, the insecurity and lack of love and care. I could feel the apathy, the compassion and helplessness…homelessness is a big problem. If this is the condition of so called developed economies, you can’t even imagine the plight of third world countries, where nobody cares!

    You are right Lisa. People look the other way…there could be many reasons. Some can’t see the unpleasant, seeking faces, which might put them to shame, some don’t have the means to help, some may be just callous, some feel it is not their responsibility and some do their bit. I am glad you have written such a moving article about it. Creating awareness is also just like serving the less privileged and the needy. Thanks!

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 9:09 pm

      You nailed it,Balroop! The apathy, helpless feelings are prevalent and I think part of how we learn to view the homeless problem. Thanks for bringing your intuitive insight here!

  13. Liv

    February 17, 2015 at 4:34 pm

    My ex brother in law lived on the road for a bit when his schizophrenia came on…it was a very difficult time – and we were constantly looking for him. This is a beautiful piece Lisa. And one that needs more people talking about.

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 5:21 pm

      Aw, that’s so sad Liv. Mental illness is so tough b/c there’s so little we can do for them. Thanks for sharing, Liv. As always, I appreciate your contribution. 🙂

  14. Susan

    February 17, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    The title almost kept me from reading this, but I’m so glad I did. I also skipped over the video but that would have been a huge mistake! I went back and watched it and wow!! It’s POWERFUL!!! Great job!

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 3:16 pm

      Thank you, Susan! Yes, that video makes me cry every time. 🙂

  15. Lynn

    February 17, 2015 at 11:58 am

    Wow Lisa, this is powerful piece. Thank you for sharing.

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 3:14 pm

      Thanks Lynn!

  16. Chrys Fey

    February 17, 2015 at 11:49 am

    There are a lot of homeless people where I live and I see them all the time. Whenever I see them, I want to help them somehow but don’t even have a few dollars from my own pocket that I can give.

    Last year, I came very very close to being homeless, money-less…everything-less. It was tough. I had one family member offer me help whenever I needed it, that’s it. The others wouldn’t even call to check in on me. Maybe they thought I would’ve asked them for money, but I wouldn’t have. It just would’ve been nice to know they were worried and thinking about me.

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      Oh, Chrys I’m so sorry. That is terrible that your family wasn’t there for you. At least there was one but still. You know you can’t rely on them and that’s not a lesson we want to learn. It’s as if you became invisible before you were homeless. They are lacking in compassion! Thanks for sharing.

  17. Mike

    February 17, 2015 at 11:14 am

    This was an absolutely freakin’ awesome post, Lisa! That video gave me not only goosebumps but most definitely brought tears to my eyes watching the family members reaction as they looked at the laptop seeing who they had just walked by. I have had a lot of exposure to homeless people in my work and there is often years, if not decades, of a background story to how they got there. Often misunderstood and through an incredible amount of ignorance from the general public. Wow, shaking my head, just an amazing post – LOVED it, my friend, and bless your heart always 🙂

    • lisa

      February 17, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      Thank you so much Mike! You really ‘get’ this piece. I appreciate that <3. That's the thing everyone has a story and it makes me very sad to see some of the people on the streets. Some of them find a family there and cope by living in substandard conditions and having street sales. We see it on E. Hastings Street here in Vancouver. Believe it or not some people look happy but it's not a life they chose, I'm sure.

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