In my mind I’m not the older woman because I’m 22, don’t ya know? However, the calendar begs to differ. Last year I celebrated my 50th spin around the sun and the number still stuns me, just a little. So, any-who, men have been doing it since the dawn of time. They’ve been enjoying the beauty of much younger women. To the older woman’s vexation, it’s perfectly acceptable—a feather in his cap.
An example of the older woman’s vexation is in this scene from Moonstruck (1987):
Mrs. Castorini: “I’ve got a question for you!!” Her fist shaking as she walks across the living room, sashaying toward her bar to pour herself a stiff drink— Petula Clark playing on her stereo (rather loud for an old woman)
“Why do men chase women?”
Johnny Cammareri: “Oh, Mrs. Castorini, I don’t know.” Helpless, future son in law replies with a blank, confused stare, “Maybe they’re afraid of death?”
Was it still, predominantly a male hobby to chase younger women? Of course, Madonna was just getting started at the time and didn’t she break some barriers and basically, invent the ‘Cougar’? At age 57, she’s still going strong today.
Post divorce we’re just getting our oomph, sexy appeal back in order. Isn’t that part of the process? I’ve discussed some tips on finding your inner sex goddess and finding a good handy man that might get you thinking about your own cougarlicious self.
We recently went to see I’ll See You In My Dreams starring Blythe Danner. She was stunning in this film, playing a widowed woman in her early 70’s, who is very independent and not interested in re-marrying. There is an underlying sadness within her though that’s at the heart of the film. At the start of the movie she meets a younger man. There is no inclination of romance. He’s in his late 20’s. I’m not going to spoil it for you, suffice to say they strike up a friendship. They are compatible. Case in point; an older woman can enjoy the company of a younger man…
Another example: Last week my Beau and I wanted to watch a movie on Netflix. I always have a hard time choosing something because often what I want to watch isn’t available. My searches come up empty. So, I like to check out the critically acclaimed list. That’s where you find the good stuff.
There it was: Harold and Maude. I had heard much about this film, not to mention many cultural references to it, yet I had never actually seen it. My Beau had never even heard of it. I told him it was considered a classic. So we started the movie, not sure what to expect.
It was fabulous.
Even more impressive is that it was released in 1971 and so very unconventional for the time. Harold is maybe 20 and he falls in love with Maude, who is turning 80…but it’s so much more than a love story. I couldn’t help but think that screenwriter Wes Anderson, who’s films (including Royal Tenenbaums) I adore, must have been influenced by this film and writer, Colin Higgins.
Note that Harold and Maude turned 50 in December, 2021! And is still considered relevant today. Check out this lovely tribute to the film written in honor of the 50th anniversary.
Thirdly: Mrs. Robinson won’t be ignored! Isn’t she the obvious mention, here? Her sensuality was second to none for poor, lost Benjamin (Dustin Hoffman) in The Graduate. Mrs. Robinson’s (Ann Bancroft) seduction was simultaneously sinister and sweet. She broke him in until she truly broke him. Did she go a bit too far?
In praise of older women—with younger men? We have much to offer as it turns out, we are NOT invisible. Our beauty shines through the scars, wrinkles, and any other ‘flaw’. Our inner beauty shines right out like a beacon.
It’s all in the attitude, just ask Maude, Carol or Mrs R. So, next time you think it may be ridiculous to ask a younger man out, think again. He may be delighted and flattered. And you’re not asking him out because you’re afraid of death, you’re just looking for some fun.
“If you want to sing out, sing out and if you want to be free, be free” -Cat Stevens
Liked this? You’ll love the book! The Wine Diaries: Musings on Divorce Paired With Wine.
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Nisha Pandey
July 14, 2015 at 7:53 amHi Lisa,
I must say this realm (older women and younger men) is something entirely new to me (I am young and would prefer someone a little older :)). But still find your way of presentation lovely and will certainly watch the movies you have quoted.
Thanks for this lovely post! Have a great week ahead!
lisa
July 14, 2015 at 4:56 pmHi Nisha, welcome to The great Escape 🙂 I hope you enjoy one or two of the movies. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week, too.
Charlotte
July 10, 2015 at 7:01 amOh hai momma! I love this 🙂 I haven’t seen Harold and Maude in YEARS but would love to rewatch (thanks for reminding me!) Also Blythe Danner movie–will add to the list, I haven’t heard of it before, but she’s phenomenal.
I’m not sure personally I could form a connection with someone SO much younger than me, but I wouldn’t be opposed in different circumstances, obviously. I think my experiences with younger men have been mostly frivolous, sexy, and fun… but not necessarily meaningful.
That said, always love coming by here and reading your words. Hope you have a lovely weekend, my sweet!
lisa
July 10, 2015 at 9:58 amHey Charlotte, The Blythe Danner movie really is wonderful. It’s quiet but wonderful. I like that you’ve had frivolous fun with the younger guy. I remember when I was first married and working at the Recreation Dept., one of my volunteers was 18 and he invited me to watch his rugby game. He was definitely flirting with me the whole time and I thought it was quite cute. I was about 25 so really not that much older than him in hindsight. The fact that I was married though made it scandalous 😉 Thanks for stopping by, Charlotte! Always nice to hear from you!
Adrienne
July 9, 2015 at 1:21 pmHey Lisa,
Finally getting by here and enjoyed this post. I’ve never seen that movie either. Harold and Maude but it looks so cute. So does the one with Blythe Danner and Sam Eliot, I LOVE him…
Back in the day I’ve dated younger men. I didn’t date a lot of them because I found them to be WAY too immature for my liking. They on the other hand enjoyed being with an older woman because we know what the heck we want and we don’t beat around the bush. Men are drawn to that if only they’d all grow up. LOL!!!
I haven’t dated in years now but I do prefer someone my age or perhaps older. It would have to depend on the guy I guess because like you, age is just a number to me. I’m the same age as Madonna but if you met me you’d never have a clue I was that old. I just love life and I had a friend a good 15 years ago that was in his late 60’s and that time and dating someone younger than me. He did end up marrying her but he got up every morning at 5:00 and went jogging, the nicest guy you’ll ever meet, true gentleman and overall wonderful man. He told me he couldn’t stand dating women his own age because all they wanted to do was sit at home and watch TV. He rarely did that, he was always on the go.
I think it just depends on the individual personally.
Glad to see Angela had stopped by and thanks for giving her some advice.
Hope you’ve been enjoying your week.
~Adrienne
lisa
July 9, 2015 at 9:02 pmHey Adrienne, same age as that cougar Madonna? You’re in good company 😉 I hope you do check out those movies on your down time. You’ll really enjoy them, I’m sure. Ha! Younger men like older women because we tell them what to do. Makes sense!
Corinne Rodrigues
July 7, 2015 at 8:58 amI have dated younger men before I got married, Lisa. Highly over-rated, in my opinion! 😉
lisa
July 7, 2015 at 10:36 amOh, I’m surprised to hear that, Corinne but you’re not alone in saying that. Many women prefer older men. Personally, I love being the same age as my Beau. We understand and remember the same stuff. It makes for great communication. Nice to see you here and thanks for sharing!
Angela McCall
July 6, 2015 at 8:32 pmHi Lisa,
You were referred to me by Adrienne Smith on her blog. I mentioned to her just recently that maybe I may focus more on Divorce Female Business Entrepreneurs. I asked her if this is a good idea. She said that I should ask you, you can probably answer this question a lot better.
How is the market on Divorce Women?
I mean I have married a younger man but not too young like in the age of 20 and I’m 80. For one, I’m not 80 years old. *LOL* But the movies you have shown me here looks quite interesting. I might have to search these movies in the future. I love Dustin Hoffman, I have never seen the younger version of him falling-in-love with an older woman. And as far as “I’ll See You In My Dreams” and “Harold and Maude” movies…quite very interesting. Where can I find these movies to watch? I only watch FREE movies at Hulus.com. I hope they upload these movies there someday. I don’t have Netflix.
Anyway, thank you for a very interesting post. I enjoyed your article so much and now I am sharing this on my FB, G+, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Have a great evening!
Angela
lisa
July 7, 2015 at 10:34 amHi Angela, I had a look at your site and based on your business I think Divorced women are an excellent target niche for you. At this stage, many women are looking for new careers or getting started at blogging. Only thing is, it’s a time of financial restraint for single moms and women just starting out after divorce. That might be a drawback. Thanks for stopping over. If you love Dustin Hoffman then you’ll love The Graduate. He is endearing in this role. Thanks for sharing and I’ll see you on social media 🙂
Angela McCall
July 7, 2015 at 11:55 amHi Lisa,
Thank you for giving me your insight. It makes me see the wider spectrum of this. You’re right. Many divorce women and single moms do not have the financial means. And this can be bad or good. Bad, they cannot finance their new business. Good, you can help them to become financially independent. Right?
Angela
lisa
July 7, 2015 at 2:46 pmThat’s very true, Angela.
Jane Thrive
July 6, 2015 at 2:09 pmI LOVED Harold and Maude!! Love really is Love. It was such a quirky, ahead of it’s time movie. I’m glad you guys got to watch it!!
And speaking of time–just generally–I still lose years. I.e. When someone says, “oh, that was so twenty years ago,” I’m like, “20 years ago, you mean the 80s” HA HA HA HA!!! It’s like i’ve stepped in a time warp and lost years along the way.
😀
Great post, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing!! <3
lisa
July 6, 2015 at 4:47 pmHi Jane, Wasn’t that movie wonderful! I have the same time travel problem. I can’t believe how fast it goes, where it goes, and how long ago the 80’s were. Ha! Thanks for stopping by and sharing 🙂
Jess @UsedYorkCity
July 6, 2015 at 5:04 amThanks for the movie suggestions!! I love The Graduate, but will totally be adding Harold and Maude to my Netflix que!!! Hehe and I’m married to a younger man;-)
lisa
July 6, 2015 at 4:44 pmHi Jess, oh—you are also married to a younger man? Should I call you Mrs. R 😉 You will love Harold and Maude. It’s really great. Thanks for stopping over!
Kerry
July 5, 2015 at 1:17 amYoung person, man or woman, with old (and I’m talking generations apart) is unwise, in my mind. Just my thoughts.
I am 31 and I seem to be attracted to young guys, but only a few years younger. Others here are right. Age and maturity level don’t necessarily match up every time.
🙂
Have only seen The Graduate. Will have to check out the others.
Love is love, is true.
lisa
July 5, 2015 at 8:27 pmHi Kerry, yes I agree the maturity match up is important for relationships. I guess like Vanessa said, it’s maybe only a lovely interlude to enjoy the company of a younger man. We have all different perspectives here. Thanks for sharing!
kimbacaffeinate
July 4, 2015 at 7:07 pmI enjoyed both movies you mentioned, and say if it makes you happy..live and let live
lisa
July 4, 2015 at 10:53 pmThat’s a great attitude to have for most anything in life. Thanks for stopping over, Kim!
Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
July 3, 2015 at 8:34 pmI remember both of these movies and they were great. Funny how when I was younger, I was attracted to older men. Now that I’m older, I see men in their 30’s and I think…”wow…he’s yummy…” I’m happily married, but God forbid if I ever lost my spouse, I would DEFINITELY be looking for a younger companion!
lisa
July 4, 2015 at 9:44 amHm, me too Marcia. “I would DEFINITELY be looking for a younger companion!” That’s the spirit! 🙂
My Inner Chick
July 3, 2015 at 4:06 pmExcellent, darling.
I’ve been teased about being Mrs. Robinson for many years.
I consider it a compliment!
xxxx
lisa
July 3, 2015 at 6:31 pmOh, yes you are in fact Mrs. Robinson…cougarlicious! xoxo
Brenda Lee
July 2, 2015 at 9:12 amLove it girly! Pre-Marriage I robbed the cradle many times. I found that younger men were very eager to please an older woman. They had more stamina and were interested in lots of foreplay. If anything would happen to my hubs today, I’d definitely be pimping the cougar heels and going after those young buffs. Hell, my ole man can hang with my sex cravings now! LOL Great article Lisa!
lisa
July 2, 2015 at 2:15 pmOooh, I like your attitude, Bren! “Pimping the cougar heels”…love it!! The younger man’s stamina is what makes it so much fun. Good for you Bren, for enjoying those young guys and of course, it acts as research for your sexy novels.
Corina Ramos
July 2, 2015 at 8:13 amHi Lisa,
I always say if I get divorced – again, I’m going to be a cougar and date younger men…lol. I’m sure I’m all talk though…I’m not sure if it would be that easy to get back into the dating scene with any man, younger or older.
I watched the trailer for See You In My Dreams and I have to watch it. It has a great cast and Sam Elloitt – OMG I love his voice and he is quite handsome for being an older guy :).
I haven’t seen Harold and Maude but I have seen The Graduate and Moonstruck….snap out of it! :).
Great post Lisa! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I’m all for women dating younger men…as long as they are of legal age :).
Hope you’re having a great week.
Cori
lisa
July 2, 2015 at 1:51 pmHi Cori, I’m all talk too 😉 Yes, I’ll See You In My Dreams is really a great movie. I think you’ll love it. Sam Elliot is sooooo handsome! It’s a great cast. I’m going to definitely want to see it again when it’s ‘on demand’. It’s a very layered film with subtle moments that pack an emotional punch. Moonstruck is one of my favorites of all time. “Love is messy!”
marie
July 2, 2015 at 8:04 amWhy not really! Why it would be the other way around all the time!
As long as people are on the same page, it’s fine. Though I don’t think I could fall for a man younger than me. Right now, it would mean that he’s just out of puberty, which might not be the best choice!!!!
Love your post Lisa. take care
lisa
July 2, 2015 at 1:48 pmHi Marie, oh you’re a young one! 🙂 I’m glad you enjoyed this!
sherill
July 1, 2015 at 6:25 pmHi, I do believe that meeting a younger man is really fun, you both learn new things from each other but I still prefer men older than me, I’m happily married and I do have young male friends who makes me laugh each day, and that feels great. Thanks for sharing.
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 9:08 pmAbsolutely, Sherill. That’s fun that you have younger male friends. Some Husbands would be jealous but sounds like yours if secure enough 🙂
Donna Merrill
July 1, 2015 at 8:35 amHi Lisa,
For me, I need someone that is on the same page as I am. Somehow the older I get the more attractive older men are to me. I’m still married to the man of my dreams and we share old music, movies, and our mindset is on the same page.
I couldn’t imagine a younger man if I were single. I would feel like I was baby sitting lol.
Besides that, getting older without surgery, botox and all that, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with a younger man.
Just my two cents!
-Donna
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 12:46 pmThat’s a very real concern for us. Aging while our lover seems forever young. We can’t compete with the 20 YO and nor should we. I don’t see the younger man as a long term relationship though. I guess it depends on the age difference and as Live mentioned, maturity level. Thanks, Donna for sharing!
Liv
July 1, 2015 at 6:57 amI went the other way. My ex was much older than me and still quite immature. I didn’t want another kid. I dated a man who was the same age as my own father…he was fantastic…
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 12:44 pmThat’s interesting, Liv. Mrs. Castorini has her answer right there. Younger women enjoy older men equally 😉 You make a good point about the maturity level. Some older men are really immature while younger ones can be wise and mature beyond their years. So, we take that into consideration.
Balroop Singh
June 30, 2015 at 7:59 pmHi Lisa,
I agree, for fun it could be okay and the relationship doesn’t last much longer…one has to keep that in mind! Go at your own risk and don’t regret the heartbreaks because the heart is never involved!
Younger men often fall for older women and realise after a few years that there is much more to explore and for them there is so much around!
Thanks for sharing a fun post!
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 12:42 pmGreat points, Balroop. It’s usually a temporary arrangement where both enjoy until one person gets ‘bored’. That’s okay, so long as the heart isn’t involved, as you mention.
Shali
June 30, 2015 at 7:42 pmSo fun and so real. I still remember my younger guy. I was much younger too but he was still younger than me. His name was Bill. Classic eh? Anyway, great post lisa
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 12:41 pmHi Shali, oh, Bill huh? I’ll be asking more about him when we coffee 😉
Kelly Hashway
June 30, 2015 at 5:08 pmI don’t think age necessarily matters. As long as both people are legal adults, I think it’s fine.
lisa
July 1, 2015 at 12:40 pmMe too, Kelly. No jail bait 🙂 Nice to see your smiling face!
Tamara
June 30, 2015 at 11:26 amI haven’t been divorced or dated a much younger man, but my view on everything to do with love and marriage is the same – love is love. And #lovewins. (in light of the supreme court decision)
They had an episode of Grey’s Anatomy that dealt with this actually! And I’ve only watched the show once lately! One of the doctors’ 70 year old mother had a much younger boyfriend but they were madly in love.
lisa
June 30, 2015 at 4:44 pmHey Tamara, yes, love always wins! I’m not a follower of Grey’s Anatomy but that’s cool they slid that theme in there. You’re right, if 2 people have a connection why not spend time together regardless of age? I still to this day hear some women say “He’s too young for me.”, and I think why? But I guess if they’re looking for a forever man maybe the age difference is too much for longevity.
Vanessa D.
June 30, 2015 at 10:58 amPersonally I would highly recommend that any divorced woman at least have a fling with a younger man. After divorce, sometimes we think we’re ready to look for our forever partner and often we aren’t. A fling with a younger guy who’s just looking for a bit of fun and company can be a lovely interlude.
lisa
June 30, 2015 at 4:41 pmAbsolutely right, Vanessa 🙂 “…a lovely interlude” indeed.
jodi
June 30, 2015 at 9:56 amNot only would I,I have and still am. I met a man 13 years my junior by chance,and tho it has been rocky at times, he still rocks my 48 year old self 3 years later!
lisa
June 30, 2015 at 4:40 pmOooh lala, Jodi. That sounds wonderful! What relationship isn’t rocky sometimes? Thanks for sharing here 🙂
Chrys Fey
June 30, 2015 at 8:45 amI think it’s great if an older woman is with a younger man. Love is love. But it does kind of creep me out when the man is 20 and the woman is 70. Same the other way around (man is 70 and woman is 20).
lisa
June 30, 2015 at 4:39 pmHaha, I know. It seems to go against logic. You may not like Harold and Maude then, LOL.