Pride is one of the 7 deadly sins. Ironically, it’s an important part of the parent/child relationship. Have you ever heard your mom or dad tell someone how proud they are of you? Have they ever told you directly how proud they are of your accomplishments or just YOU in general?
I had a visit with my mom the other day. We sit in the tent with masks on and a plexiglass partition between us. I haven’t been able to take her out for lunch, a drive, shopping or anything for almost one full year. Between face time calls and plastic bubble visits, the pandemic has forced a dismal reality on so many of us with aging parents.
But at our visit the other day she said something that made me glow. She told me something she has never before uttered, at least in words.
She asked me if I was a famous writer. I laughed and said, “No but I have published four books.” She was impressed and said, “I’m proud of you,” with a bright smile.
This was the first time she had ever said such a thing. It’s not that she wasn’t proud to be my mother in the past, it was more likely that it just wasn’t in her language.
It brought to light something; It doesn’t matter how old we are, we want to know that our parent(s) is proud of us. I’m 56 and my mother is 81. It wasn’t a moment too soon to hear that praise from her.
What we really like to hear or simply know is that our parents are proud of our life choices, our decisions, our values, our behavior, our work, our own children. And I could keep listing things, but it’s not a perfect world and neither are we.
There will be things we aren’t proud of.
Most importantly though, above all other things, is to be proud of ourselves. I think we forget to pat ourselves on the back when we accomplish our goals.
With all that said, I got thinking about my own children and if I tell them how proud I am of them. It’s not something we want to say daily as it would quickly become hollow. Yet, to not say it at all creates doubt in young minds. I always include a sentence or two in my kids’ birthday cards telling them I’m proud of them and why.
With that in mind, I have thought of several things that make me proud of my kids (all three of them) and I think this could apply to any age group.
You try new things even when you’re not sure what the outcome will be.
You give your time for free, to help others and gain experience that has no monetary value.
You stand up for what you believe in even when your friends don’t get it.
You’re there for your friends when they need you. You’re reliable and emotionally available.
You set high standards and goals for yourself and land in the stars.
You find creative solutions to old problems.
You see that sacrifices must be made for a greater good.
You’ve overcome difficulties with grace.
Well, those are some of the things that make me proud of my kids. I know that you are also good at these things. I admire your courage and creativity, Sleevers. I appreciate your support for this little blog more than you know.
“I’m proud of you.”
Such simple words have a powerful impact. Tell someone today.
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Marcia @ Menopausal Mother
February 5, 2021 at 3:49 pmThis really hits home for me. And oddly, I just wrote about a similar thing for The Doe–about wanting to hear my father tell me he is proud of me. And he did, the last year we had together before he died. This was such a great post, Lisa, Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
lisa
February 5, 2021 at 4:36 pmOh, interesting! I’d like to read that, Marcia. Nice to hear your father told you! Hearing those words no matter our age, can really give us a boost. Funny when you think about it. I guess it’s the child inside us and that’s not a bad thing. Hang onto that child! 🙂
Mabel Kwong
January 30, 2021 at 4:56 amThat is lovely you are still able to visit your mum during these times. It sounds like she is happy to see you and happy to see that you are well and doing well – and sometimes this is what gives us the most happiness, the knowing that someone is well. ‘I’m proud of you’ is probably one of those phrases someone never just throws around but when they say it, they mean it. Your mum must be really proud of you for all the books you have written. I don’t ever recall my parents saying they were proud of me. But they would always show up to events such as when I graduated university. I guess there are different ways to say ‘I’m proud of you’. Hope you are doing well, Lisa.
lisa
January 30, 2021 at 10:33 amHi Mabel, great to see you. Yes. After the original three month lockdown, the home set up a visiting booth outdoors for families. Thank goodness because it was hard for her as all of the elders, to be separated from family. Seeing my mom laugh and smile makes my day. Her saying those words were really meaningful to me. But you are right, Mabel, there other expressions of the sentiment. Sounds like your parents are very proud of you!
Suzanne @ The Bookish Libra
January 26, 2021 at 5:20 pmGreat post, Lisa. I don’t consciously remember my parents telling me they were proud of me, but at the same time, I always knew they were, I guess maybe based on their actions (or maybe listening them to brag to their friends, haha).
lisa
January 27, 2021 at 10:11 amHi Suzanne, well that’s the most important thing—KNOWING they were proud. Wonderful. <3
Jacqui Murray
January 26, 2021 at 12:01 pmThat is true–about recognizing success. My kids are both mid-thirties and I still tell them when I’m proud of them (which is always). It feels good on both sides.
lisa
January 26, 2021 at 3:02 pmAw, that’s wonderful, Jacqui. Yes, it does 🙂
Marie Kléber
January 26, 2021 at 1:19 amOh yes, a beautiful thing to hear and to say. It must have been a special time and share for both of you.
There are so many things we can be proud of for ourselves and for others. And these words are important.
Thanks for sharing Lisa. xoxo
lisa
January 26, 2021 at 3:01 pmYes, exactly. It was so nice to hear! There is and I think we forget to give ourselves that recognition 🙂 Thank, Marie!
DGKaye
January 25, 2021 at 5:36 pmA most beautiful post Lis. True, everyone needs recognition for their accomplishments sometime. The photo is precious! <3
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 7:12 pmThank you, Deb. 🙂 So true, right? It’s one of my favorite pics. I keep it in my wallet still. xo
tamara
January 25, 2021 at 1:39 pmThat’s so awesome. I said it to Scarlet recently and I know it really was awesome for her. I can imagine, though, that if I hadn’t for years and then did it? That’s just.. WOW.
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 4:27 pmYes. Aw, Scarlet is a wonderful big sister too. She certainly earns her praise 😀 Right? It was one of those things where I didn’t realize how important it was until it was said.
Jeff
January 25, 2021 at 12:08 pmI don’t remember hearing it much growing up. But many times, my mother asked why I wasn’t like so and so… When I was in my early 20s, I told her all the secrets of the cousins and friends that she thought was so good–I’d held it in for a long time, but felt she should know who showed me the Playboy or tempted me with a joint. I’m not sure I’m any better at telling my kids I’m proud of them, which I am.
Jeff
January 25, 2021 at 12:09 pmPS, that’s a wonderful photo of you and your kids!
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 1:01 pmThank you, Jeff. I love that one and keep it in my wallet. <3
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 1:01 pmHa. love it, Jeff. Usually its the ‘nice’ ones that tend to charm the parents but are instigating the bad things 😛 Yeah, I don’t think we say it enough. I want to correct that too.
Balroop Singh
January 25, 2021 at 11:27 amAnd my pride rests on having met you in blogosphere and that you chose to keep me as your friend. Thank you dear Lisa. Our online friendship makes me proud of you, as friends come and go but you’ve always been there. What a wonderful topic to share our thoughts!
I have very few memories of my dad but a very vivid one is his pride for me – he admired my handwriting and singing and that made my brother jealous. My mom never says but I can see it in her eyes that she is proud of the role I played in her life.
Yes, I am proud of my daughters and say it whenever I get an opportunity. Thanks for sharing that precious picture with your children. Love and hugs.
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 12:58 pmBalroop, what a sweet and kind thing to say. The feeling is mutual, I can assure you! You are a steady star!
What a wonderful memory of your father. And to be complimented on those things is very special. Good to know that you are appreciated by your mother. I think they say a lot without saying it in words. My mom does, too. I know myself, there have been times I’ve thought how proud I am of my kids but I think it without saying it. I’m going to make sure to SAY it to them more. Love and hugs to you!
LA CONTESSA
January 25, 2021 at 10:21 amI WILL CALL BOTH OF MY SONS TODAY and TELL THEM!
MY MOTHER NEVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO ME!
LOVE YOUR PHOTO WITH THE KIDS!!!
XXX
lisa
January 25, 2021 at 10:51 amFantastic, LA CONTESSA! Hm, so it’s a thing they maybe didn’t verbalize. I bet your mother was very proud of you. I can tell from the stories you have told about her. xx