From the Archives, before you decide to end your marriage do this: FINDING YOUR THINKING PLACE…
In times of change, we need to go inside ourselves and think. We need a quiet place where we can listen to our heart. When we arrive at a crossroads, we need to take time for ourselves to be quiet, to unplug. In our lives full of constant communication, we need more than ever to learn to listen to our own voice. We all need a place to think and be alone whether it’s outside or indoors really doesn’t matter. Maybe you have a little peaceful, private space you can call your own at home. You won’t have to venture far in order to disconnect. Just meditate, contemplate and relax. Your hearts desires and gut instincts will come through. This looks inviting…
I don’t know about you, but I feel more connected to my soul while surrounded by nature. Even as a child I would go outdoors and spend hours alone in the thin forest or at the beach close to my house. I would study berries, bugs, tree branches and leaves, shells, rocks, and small sea creatures—rain or shine. I could seriously spend hours there and if I was unsupervised by my big brother, it was even better. I could prove my independence when I returned with dirty jeans and hands.
I recently re-visited my thinking place from my youth. Although some things have changed for example, people have planted trees where my big sitting rock was, (that someone would plant trees here is a testament to high priced real estate.) it’s still the same place I could sit for a while and think about my little problems (that seemed so big) at the time. But, what used to be a beautiful, rugged view has sadly become a refined, expensive and private place. This sign didn’t stop me…
There used to be blackberry bushes and plum trees along the road and the smell and taste of these fruits and berries still remind me of “back to school” and my true love’s return to hockey training (away from our hometown). My heart used to ache when he left and I returned alone to this special place. I would look over the ocean to the Islands and feel closer to him. Before he left in late summer, we would ride our bikes here and pick the fruit and laugh and hug and kiss in this very spot. Our love and innocence is always co mingled with the taste of blackberries. Now there is an evergreen hedge here, it seems all so neat and organized compared to the wild bushes bearing fruit for our hungry hearts.
See the big tree right smack in the middle of the view? That’s where the big rock used to be and I would sit there for what seemed like hours but was probably only minutes at a time. I’m sure all of you have special memories of a place you used to go to think and be alone, a place where you found your inner voice. Was it in a field, on the beach, on a cliff side, or in a bustling city park?
Although you may not be able to return to a special thinking place from your past, try to remember what the young girl wanted and needed in her life. What were her dreams? She is still alive inside of you and only needs to be re-awakened to her possibilities.
Find a new quiet place to re-discover enough peace to listen to your heart. What do you need to do now? What will your next move be? It’s all up to you. No one can tell you what you “should” do. Begin by finding a place away from everyone and everything. Think only of yourself while you’re in this place. Acknowledge what you need and forget for a moment what everyone expects and wants from you. Scary isn’t it?
This will be your sacred place for a while or maybe forever. A place you can return to whenever you need to. If you are in the middle of a divorce, it is especially important to find a place away from your daily stress. If you are facing your crossroads you’ll need to find the silence to think about your future, and how you want to shape it. You’ll need a place to better find your truth, away from computers, cell phones, in-laws, friends and even family sometimes.
Give yourself permission to have a hiding place, sacred place, thinking spot, or whatever you want to call it. Now you will be able to get back to your heart and spirit, where the young girl inside you resides.
Where do you go to unplug and listen to your heart?