I’ve been known to say “It’s the moments that count.” I said it in my book, chapter 1 to be precise. Just as in a marriage, it is true during the divorce process as well. We tend to put a great deal of emphasis on the big moments of life like weddings, divorce, giving birth, a long awaited promotion, or finally taking that exotic vacation. All of these big moments are exciting and they give us things to strive for and look forward to however, they are few and far between in life. If we’re only getting excited about these things then what are we doing in the in-between times?
“Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans”-John Lennon
How long or short is a moment?
Set your timer for 1 full minute and sit still until it beeps…it’s pretty long right? And our life is made up of a million zillion of these. A moment is a molecule of our life but when you add them all together…it is your life! Right now…this minute.
Are we recognizing the joy in the small things that make up our life? During divorce it’s even more important to recognize these small moments of joy. We may not have much else to look forward to for the time being. Life is changing pretty fast and we’re just struggling to keep up. Never mind the big celebrations let’s just get through today, shall we?
How do we manage to find joy during difficult times?
It’s not easy but the first step is being in the moment. When your child gives you a hug after school, there’s a moment of joy right there. Treating yourself to the best Latte in town with a chocolate brownie–that’s high on my list of moments to savor. When was the last time you tasted ice cream in a sugar cone…
A friend calls you and offers to treat you to dinner. That’s a lovely offer not only do they want your company but they want to show they care about you, another great moment. Don’t lose these in the midst of your struggle. One that works for me every time is appreciating nature. Just sitting at the beach or going for a walk can freshen my senses and help me forget my worries. When was the last time you were awestruck by the night sky?
Do you have an inspirational book you can go to for a little positive thinking? I always used to go to Sarah Breathnach’s Simple Abundance for some lessons on gratitude. It always provided comfort and suggestions in how to maximize joy in those small things in life we take for granted. Climbing in to flannel sheets on a cold winter night… Ahhh…one of those moments.
Of late everyone is buzzing about Brene Brown who was on Oprah’s LifeClass recently. I must check out her book The Gifts of Imperfection for some lessons in savoring the moment. If you are reading it (or planning to) let us know what you think in the comments…
The first chapter of my book emphasizes the importance of the small things and the moments that make up a marriage. How a moment can make or break one. If the moments are empty of joy then, when you add them up you have a joyless life. This is not acceptable. Although the divorce process is made up of many difficult moments, those difficulties bring us one step closer to joy. I remember sitting on my bed and closing my eyes, trying to picture what my life would look like 5 years from this moment. Surely it would be better. Surely my kids and I would overcome our distance. The pain in that moment seemed unbearable, the way I could cope was to look forward in time. I was also guilty of wishing the time away to get through the pain I was in. Finding some small pleasure in a moment would have helped me to refocus.
Believe it or not, there are also moments to savor in the divorce process. The first morning you wake up alone and take a deep breath. You’re on your own. You’re doing it. It’s real. Momentous. Standing on your own two feet, getting stronger because you have to…
Life is going by pretty fast. Even when we want to rush time to get through the struggles we’re facing, we need to remember to see the beauty around us. The night sky, the taste of ice cream melting on our tongue, a hug, the waves of the ocean, the taste of our first coffee today. If you forget to savor the moment it will pass you by. If you forget to focus on the pure pleasure, it will pass you by.
I just love this…
What are you doing today to savor the moment? How do you find joy in difficult times?
Leave a comment, I LOVE ’em!
Find me on Pinterest for more inspiration to celebrate the moment
Check out Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection
Also worth a read, Sarah Ban Breathnach’s Simple Abundance