Blog-The Great Escape

Divorce Support blog including tips and stories

When to Leave a Marriage

Based on this title, it sounds as though I’m going to tell you exactly when you should leave your marriage.  When to leave a marriage is the number one key word search that brings people to my site.  Yet, I haven’t written one blog post to tell you when to leave your marriage because that would be presumptuous.  Everyone faces unique circumstances.  My book however, touches on this very question in the first chapter. The quiz also prompts some hard thinking and

when to leave a marriage

sosurce; Pinterest

even gives you a score to indicate the status of your marriage today.  Is it an epic fail or is it simply in need of a little TLC?  I had one woman take the quiz with her friend by her side at the woman’s show where I was selling my book.  She finished the quiz and in a glib manner told me “I passed, so I don’t need your book.”   If I was trying to convince her to end it or at least sell her my book,  she just one upped me by passing the quiz…Seriously,  I do not presume to have that power or knowledge.  No one knows better than you, when it’s over.  No one knows better than you, what goes on behind closed doors.

Nevertheless since you asked; here are 5 very clear signs it may be time to leave your marriage…

1. Your spouse is verbally, emotionally or physically abusive (in even the slightest of ways)

2. You’ve tried marital counseling and nothing changed (or it only changed for a short time)

3. You are last on his list

4. Your sex life is non-existent

5. He does not consult you nor value your opinion in family, career and parenting issues

when to leave a marriage

source; Pinterest

I think the most difficult part of knowing when to leave a marriage is admitting the truth.  The truth of your situation can easily be glossed over.  The truth can easily be justified with excuses.  The truth can be replaced with false hope— hope for an improved tomorrow that never comes.  That is human nature and our way of coping with less than ideal situations.   We make excuses for our unhappiness instead of simply admitting that we are unhappy and that there is little chance for improvement.  ‘It is what it is’ might be the simple answer but the question is, can we accept it?  Can we continue as ‘it is’ and live to our full potential?  Everyone deserves to be happy and fulfilled and if our marriages are the opposite, should it be acceptable to continue living that way?  It is what it is…yes, but let’s take a hard and honest look at what it really is…and we will undoubtedly find our answer to the question; ‘when to leave a marriage’.  Even better, you will likely find your truth in the process.

when to leave a marriage

source; Pinterest

Did you leave your marriage? How did you know when to leave?

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12 Comments

  • Lona on Aug 18, 2015 Reply

    I have been married now for 5 years to a man I was with years ago, the first month was great after that just seem to go down hill fights after fight, he talks down to me like I am a child an I cant talk to people I am stuck in a house 24 sevens, I cant talk to anybody or I am having a affair with them, but its ok for him to have friends an talk to whom ever he wants or get calls from who ever. we don’t have sex an when we do once every 2 weeks takes 60 seconds he is done.. we can even go to get food if its raining he gets in truck while I put food in I don’t think he has ever opened a door for me..he has put his hands on me quit a lot..when my daughter past he just walked away talking to his friends. I don’t think in 4 an half years he has held me,,i am ready to leave but scared, what do I do?

    • lisa on Aug 18, 2015 Reply

      Hi Lona, I can understand why you’re scared. Your husband sounds volatile and controlling. Do you have a family member or a friend you can trust and maybe stay with for a while? Make arrangements for somewhere to go BEFORE packing up and telling him you’re leaving.You may have to go to the women’s shelter short term. What did you have when you got married in the way of assets or money? Arrange to have your money put into your own bank account without his name on title so he has no access to it. In fact, reading your comment over again, you say you’re stuck in the house 24/7. You sound like a prisoner in your own home, therefore, I recommend you pack up and leave without a discussion with your husband and do it when you know he’ll be out for the day. Start your plan today by talking to someone you trust and can rely on for support. Stay in touch. Stay strong. You deserve way more out of life.

  • Yvonne on May 02, 2015 Reply

    I have been with my partner for 24 years, I have been the anchor for my husband and my daughter, giving more than receiving. My health has been affected and he refuses to see how his behavior towards me and how he manipulates me has been some of the reason as to why my health has gone down. I did threaten to leave and now his tactics have changed, seems more calm and nice, but I feel it is very superficial. I am also being asked to do sexual favors with others, it started as a fantasy for him, and I keep telling him, I am not into that, I am not that kind of person. He is not getting it, feeling sad and stuck with no motivation towards our dreams we have worked so hard to achieve…sigh

    • lisa on May 02, 2015 Reply

      Hi Yvonne, It sounds like there is zero respect for you in this marriage. My book lays out the steps to take to get started on a journey of independence and a happier life. http://www.lisathomsonlive.com/buy/

      I know it’s a hard thing to face that your marriage didn’t turn out the way you expected OR that you’re simply miserable with this person. All the best.

      • Yvonne on May 02, 2015 Reply

        Thank you for your input, I really do appreciate it. It has been a long journey, I will look into your book. I feel for my partner and have been compassionate and realize where much of his behavior has stemmed from, but I am also realizing that there has been no change, even with the realization of what he is doing, It is a very strange place we are in and I have detached much, but need to make good choices as I move into the next chapter of my life. I do get very nervous with what changes will be presented to me, and that is where I feel stuck. You are correct on lack of respect, very true. Thank you for your help. It felt good and right to reach out, I needed this.
        Yvonne

        • lisa on May 03, 2015

          You’re welcome, Yvonne. I’ve no doubt you will move forward with confidence and strength. Everything will work out!

  • Divorced Kat on Aug 12, 2013 Reply

    #4 and #2 were the case with us even before we got married. My breaking point was when my ex told me he wasn’t attracted to me, which was shocking. He would literally be happy staying married to me and never being physically intimate ever again. That was not OK for me, and thousands of dollars in counseling didn’t fix it either. I did the right — but sad — thing by divorcing him. He would agree.

    • lisa on Aug 12, 2013 Reply

      It’s tough to be the one to make the decision. We take the rap for the breakdown even though, as you say it was broken for a long time. It’s amazing how people expect couseling to fix things but some things are just not fixable. Thanks for your input, Kat!

  • Stella Chic on Jul 26, 2013 Reply

    Very good examples! There was one important reason that I feel was left off the list: Addiction. Whether it is drug, alcohol, sex or gambling– if they have been to rehab and are relapsing time and time again, then it is time to leave the marriage. You cannot fix them no matter how hard you try. Take care of yourself and the children first… Let an addict learn on their own and the hard way. Move on with your life.

    • lisa on Jul 26, 2013 Reply

      Thank you for pointing this out, Stella! This is so important. Addiction can destroy relationships and marriages and often us nuturers (typically women) feel obligated to stay and ‘help’ the addicted, to no avail. Thank you for mentioning this! :)

  • D. A. Wolf on Jul 08, 2013 Reply

    Five excellent points, Lisa. Of course, when there are kids in the picture, it gets very, very complicated. And the longer the marriage – in my opinion – the more complicated. So many people are affected.

    But these signs surely point to realities that shouldn’t be denied.

    • lisa on Jul 08, 2013 Reply

      It’s true that it’s complicated with the children. In some cases it is better for the children though, as in #1. Thanks D.A., for stopping by :)

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