The Wine Diaries

Welcome to the wine diaries, a more personal blog that you will find randomly intermixed with my regular blog topics.  Each diary entry will be paired with appropriate wines.  For the third in this ongoing series, I ruminate on my failure to choose love over logic and the consequences and lessons that ensued.  What would you do?

CHOOSE LOVE OVER LOGIC

I have a girl in my life but I’m not referring to my daughter.  She’s actually my great niece.  But her story is interesting.  It’s one worth sharing.  She doesn’t even know it but she taught me a lesson many years ago.  She showed me what certain people’s priorities were.  She showed me the emptiness of my marriage.  Sarah taught me the meaning of regret because I didn’t choose love over logic.

This is not Sarah but reminds me of her, the first time I saw her.

When Sarah was 11 months old she was taken from her home and put into foster care.  Ensuing this event, as you can imagine there was quite a bit of discussion in my family about this child and the situation at hand.  I felt an immediate need to take this baby in.  My maternal instincts kicked into full gear.  There was only one problem.  My husband didn’t share these feelings.   I even recall a gathering among our friends at which time they (the women) decided to explain all the reasons why adopting this baby would be a BIG mistake.  “You don’t know her genetic makeup” (duh she’s part of my family).  “Her parents may come back to get her in a few years and you’ll be left heartbroken” and “She could end up being mentally challenged or f****d up”.   Although, these warnings were given with good intentions, I regret allowing these people to have any say in such a personal decision!  It was my life and my family after all, why should they care so much about something like this?  How would my decision affect their life?  That was one of my lessons, I listened to them when I should have listened to my heart and my gut.  It was suggested to me that because I had suffered a miscarriage the year before, I was trying to fill this loss.  I disagree.  I was simply responding to a baby in need and couldn’t find a good reason to turn her away.  A few years later my husband showed his true feelings about Sarah when he asked me why I get pictures of her and suggested I’d be better off to forget about her.  He had it backwards.  I would soon forget him but I will always remember Sarah.

I met Sarah when her foster mother brought her to a family member’s home for a visit.  She toddled around playing and smiling, completely oblivious to her circumstances.  Her innocence and crooked smile were heart breaking.  Thank goodness she was with this kindly older woman who took children in temporarily until they could be adopted out.  Sarah was lucky enough to be in a good home.  However, our family had a tough decision to make.  The more I saw her, the more it was plain to me that she would fit right in with my family.  Her resemblance to my daughter when she was that age, was uncanny.  I could picture her in the high chair picking at cheerios, while I made breakfast just like my two children before her.  The answer was clear, I was going to take this baby home with me.  Oh but wait, no I wasn’t not if I wanted my marriage to continue.  I failed to choose love over logic and I regret that to this day.  But Sarah taught me things about myself, my family and most importantly my marriage.  She at not yet one year old, held a mirror up to it and made me look.  I looked only briefly, though that mirror image would take effect a few years later.  Thank you, Sarah for teaching me lessons in your innocence.

I am happy to say that Sarah is in a terrific home.  She was not long in foster care before a family adopted her and chose for an ‘open’ adoption so she could see her bio family as she grew.  I get to see her once in a while and we connect on face book.  I feel a bond with her as we all do with people who teach us. I hope one day that I get to tell her why she is so special to me.

Pair with; Therapy Vineyard’s, Therapy Merlot 2009 – a hint of cherry, chocolate and plums.  A rich red to meditate on choosing love over logic…

Did you ever have to choose logic over love?  How did you choose and do you have any regrets?

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