The Divorcee’s Guide to Wedding Season, 10 Tips

the divorcee's guide to wedding season
The Wedding Date

Tis the season…for weddings.  Yay.  Sometimes the last thing we feel like doing is attending a wedding as a single divorcee. The romance, the dancing, the ‘love’ in the air is enough to choke the bitterness right out of us.

My first wedding post divorce, was a strange affair. I remember coming home after, flopping on the couch with a deep sigh. “That was one of the worst weddings I’ve ever been to.”  I said to the wall  no one in particular.  I just wanted to get my dress off, put some sweat pants on and forget it happened.

the divorcee's guide to wedding season
Looks like another fun wedding

It’s not that it was sticky sweet, quite the contrary. The bride wore pants. They served coffee. The appointed service time was 11am—-on a Sunday. So, no it wasn’t overly romantic. It was just a combination of things that made me incredibly uncomfortable. As well as being a single without someone to complain to under my breath made it even worse. I stood there lost, looking for someone to mingle with over coffee. I wished I could disappear into the 1940’s wallpaper that covered the quaint Inn walls.

How do you make sure this doesn’t happen to you? Say no to any wedding held before Noon, that would be a good rule of thumb to keep you from an awkward brunch. Say no to any wedding held in the basement of an ‘Inn’.

What if your plus one is someone your friends don’t see as a plus? They judge your plus one and compare him/her to your ex…

OR, you don’t have a plus one?   No problem.

 

the divorcee's guide to wedding season

 

Maybe you go solo and watch the first dance while schmoozing with the Maid of Honor, discussing the divorce rate. You could inquire about the Pre-Nup and roll your eyes when you find out there isn’t one—muttering ‘idiots’ under your breath. Which brings me to what not to do

What NOT to do this wedding season…

1 Drink the whole bottle of champage before the dinner and then get the hiccups during speeches.
2 stay home and forget to send a gift
3 Talk about your divorce
4 photo bomb every family picture (with a frown)

the divorcee's guide to wedding season
Amy from Mtv’s Faking It

5 Hit on the Groom

Okay, I know you would never do any of these things…but sometimes we feel so out of place and so unhappy with our own love life especially when our own marriage is over…that we don’t even realize how we’re coming across. Weddings are just so ‘hopeful’ and full of ‘romance’ and we’re feeling the complete opposite. So, ya it’s going to feel like a chore, which brings me to what to do…

What to DO this wedding season…

1 Show up looking your best –if that means a day at the spa and a new dress…then DO
2 Leave your divorce story at home on the couch—it doesn’t define you
3 Bring your ‘single man’ binoculars—seek out a handsome single man to share a dance or two
4 Hire a hot date-–think The Wedding Date

the divorcee's guide to wedding season
The Wedding Date

5 Take a good friend as your plus one

If you can’t do at least three of these things on the list maybe you are better off to send the gift and stay home. There’s nothing wrong with knowing in your heart how much you can handle on the wedding circuit and when to say ‘no’.

Wedding movies to prime you on what not to do this season;

The Wedding Date

Sweet Home Alabama

Rachel Getting Married

Another Happy Day

The Big Wedding

the divorcees guide to wedding season
DeNiro and Keaton in the Big Wedding

 

Ideally, we’ll leave the attitude at home, enjoy a little champagne, don’t forget to smile and finally, be there with our family and friends. You can do it, with or without a plus one! So, put your lipstick on and get going! Don’t forget, you’re beautiful!

Are you attending any weddings this season? Do you have a wedding story?

Leave a comment, I LOVE ’em!


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16 Replies to “The Divorcee’s Guide to Wedding Season, 10 Tips”

  1. What an absolutely brilliant post, Lisa! I haven’t been to a wedding in forever it seems like. Your NOT to-do #’s 1, 4 and 5 made me burst out laughing! But, then you mentioned the to-do’s…and #3…maybe I should start going to weddings! 🙂 My fav wedding movie of all time is still “Father of the Bride”! Loved this post 🙂

    1. Hey Mike, Great to see you here, missed you. Hugs to Phoenix. haha you should absolutely go to a wedding (maybe crash a couple) for #3. I love Father of the Bride, too. That was such a sweet movie. Steve Martin nailed it.

    1. Hey Kim, i LOVED Bridesmaids! It really revealed the complexity of female friendship. How did I leave that off the movie list? Duh. Thanks Kim!

  2. Love this post!! 🙂 just made me laugh out loud.

    And yes, I did attend a wedding during the drawn out divorce process, it was for one of my best friends who I consider a sister, and who had sworn she’d never get married and then–she did! To an awesome guy (her previous ones were moochers who never treated her the way she deserved). I had to travel, but it was worth it, and I got to spend time with close girlfriends I hadn’t seen in a while. It was very bittersweet–so lovely to be part of the the small wedding–I threw her a “destination” bridal shower and fell in love with her in-law’s family, but i also had a mini meltdown (out of sight of best friend, of course), with my other best friend who was there. So, all in all, i survived, and to my biggest surprise, thrived. 🙂

    i love the advice on figuring out and recognizing what your heart can handle–so true. for example–had this been for someone i wasn’t as close to and/or one of those 300 people affairs, i probably would have passed.

    <3

    1. Thanks, Jane! Wow, that sounds like a lovely event and for someone who is special to you. Those are the best kind! I imagine you had some moments that made you sad since your ‘fairytale’ didn’t come true, so to speak. Thanks for sharing your experience. Keep thriving!

  3. Hi Lisa! These are certainly great tips for anyone who is still reeling form a divorce. It reminded me of how uncomfortable I used to be when invited to a baby shower. I don’t have kids (by choice) so I definitely tend to be in the minority at most baby showers. And when they start talking about childbirth and go into details I’m about ready to throw up or leave (not necessarily in that order). Hey, maybe that would make a great list for a post as well! ~Kathy

    1. Great point, Kathy. Childless women at Baby showers, another potentially difficult social situation. It’s another example of having to show up no matter what we’re going through and try to be supportive. Of course, depending on if that person is close to you or not. You might be able to get away with opting out. 🙂 It’s funny how women never forget their labor stories and they used to horrify me before I had my babies. In fact some women would tell me their stories when I was expecting my first baby. UGH, that was the worst.

  4. Ha! The second post divorce wedding I went to they had the “reception” in the church – ti consisted of cheese and crackers and (you’ll never believe it) drinking boxes. The bride and groom were on a budget, and ended up going out with just their immediate family for dinner after the “banquet”. It all worked out fine – I had both my kids and the fare was right up their alley.

    You’re absolutely right though – post-divorce weddings can be the worst. People are so awkward with you when you’re in the midst of a divorce. And sometimes you feel like you have divorce cooties that you might give to the bride and groom.

    Thanks for the amusing post today Lisa. You gave me a laugh.

    1. Hi Liv, Really? Drinking boxes? LOL. At least the kids enjoyed it! You’re right about the divorce cooties 🙂 So glad this made you smile! Thanks for sharing.

    1. Thanks, Mike and welcome. That’s a good way to look at it. They are 2 different stages in life. Thanks for stopping over 🙂

  5. I loved reading this, Lisa. Although I have never been married, weddings still tend to freak me out. My youngest sister is married and my middle is engaged. I was in a six year relationship which started as a beautiful love story but ended with a slow and painful burn.
    So you can imagine the anxiety I get when I attend weddings with my boyfriend of three years now. I still have to use some of the tools you have mentioned above to get me through them.
    Always send a gift even if you have to decline! This is definitely a must! Especially if you plan on seeing the happy couple in the near future, ha!

    1. Thanks, Gina! I’m sorry you went through that painful ending. Yes, Weddings can be anxiety causing. If we’re in that dark place, it’s hard to watch all that optimism. Right, about the gift—a ‘must do’.

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