Photo by Kyle Broad on Unsplash

It’s no secret that the initial stages of divorce prove to be the most dangerous time in a woman’s life. Yet, we tend to remain positively naive. That makes sense of course, because we’re going through so much for the first time and we are unaware of the hidden or subtle vulnerabilities.

image by artist Peter Strain

In the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the main character decides to have his memories of his ex erased. These included ALL memories, good and bad. Did he once love her? Absolutely. When she broke it off with him though, the pain was too great to bear and he decides to erase her altogether.  (That was after he found out she had done it first)

The narc has some of that ability without the freaky procedure we saw administered in the film. Just to be clear, this film is not about narcissism. It’s a quirky, bizarre love story. It’s the spotless mind reference that has a likeness to what little can be understood of the narcissist’s brain function.

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Are you inked?  If not, are you thinking about getting a tattoo?  Are these thoughts connected to an event in your life such as divorce, marriage, death, love?

It’s human nature to want to mark an event with a celebration or a ceremony and sometimes with INK.

Art journaling is a ‘thing’. Have you tried it yet? I first heard about it a few years ago and was intrigued. There are many ways to do it but pretty much only one reason; therapy. Specifically to mentally unwind, go wild, let go and unlock your creative juices and your emotions.

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Who’s that girl? They whisper as you walk away. “I used to know her when…” Reluctant to look you in the eye, they’ll watch you walk away. Their eyes burn your back. Talking to one another in hushed tones, they lean together conspiratorially. You would smile and say hello if only they would acknowledge you. Even so, you walk away with your head held high.

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I haven’t actually written about the end of my divorce. I’ve written about the beginning and the middle in my book and here, on the blog. But I think the story of the end of a divorce can be just as interesting as the story of how it all began.

The end, for me was kind of surreal. The official process began before the fire and concluded three months later.  I tend to mark things that happened that year as before and after the fire. And yes, I refer to the end of my divorce as a process in and of itself because as much as we wish it would end already, the end has a beginning and a middle, too. Another thing about endings? They can be false.

Fear is part of human nature. It’s a necessary emotion designed to keep us from harm. But what about FEAR that holds us back from trying, challenging, leaving, starting, knowing, believing…?  It stops us.

Fear causes doubt and hesitation.  We need to overcome it to meet the challenge, to try that thing, to go forward and take the next step. It’s scary but it can be done.

Ryan Reynolds would make a dreamy handyman

Warning: this post is full of double meanings and suggestive scenes. Ladies, have you found your HANDYMAN yet? Every ‘single’ woman needs a HandyMan on her speed dial. Preferably, he’ll know how to use a variety of tools to fix your broken toilet OR your broken heart…”hey Baby, I’m your handy man…” As James Taylor crooned back in the day.

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Last year I wrote about Alicia Florrick of The Good Wife.  I took a look at her character and how she sacrifices for a cheating husband.  She’s a great character study in discussing marriage, divorce, sacrifice and loyalty (heavy stuff).  If you missed it you can read it here.  So, after watching last week’s episode with a killer twist, I was moved to write once again, about Alicia Florrick and why we don’t want to be her.