In the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the main character decides to have his memories of his ex erased. These included ALL memories, good and bad. Did he once love her? Absolutely. When she broke it off with him though, the pain was too great to bear and he decides to erase her altogether. (That was after he found out she had done it first)
Art journaling is a ‘thing’. Have you tried it yet? I first heard about it a few years ago and was intrigued. There are many ways to do it but pretty much only one reason; therapy. Specifically to mentally unwind, go wild, let go and unlock your creative juices and your emotions. Continue reading “Art Journaling Therapy”
Who’s that girl? They whisper as you walk away. “I used to know her when…” Reluctant to look you in the eye, they’ll watch you walk away. Their eyes burn your back. Talking to one another in hushed tones, they lean together conspiratorially. You would smile and say hello if only they would acknowledge you. Even so, you walk away with your head held high. Continue reading “Who’s That Girl?”
I haven’t actually written about the end of my divorce. I’ve written about the beginning and the middle in my book and here, on the blog. But I think the story of the end of a divorce can be just as interesting as the story of how it all began.
The end, for me was kind of surreal. The official process began before the fire and concluded three months later. I tend to mark things that happened that year as before and after the fire. And yes, I refer to the end of my divorce as a process in and of itself because as much as we wish it would end already, the end has a beginning and a middle, too. Another thing about endings? They can be false. Continue reading “So This Is How It Ended”
Dear Escapees, please give my guest blogger a warm welcome…Vishnu has been through a difficult divorce and writes about his experiences in such a way that no one would give up hope in finding love again and happiness in general. I’m delighted to introduce to you, Vishnu of Vishnu’s Virtues…
The Upside of Divorce: 50 Ways Life is Sweeter After One-by Vishnu
“Marriage is like the larvae state to true happiness.” Louis CK
I talk a lot about the heartbreak and hardships that divorce brings into our lives, but could it be that there just might be an upside to divorce?
An upside to divorce? Really? Who would ever say there’s a positive side to divorce?
Well, every divorced person whom you could ever possibly talk to!
That’s why the Louis C.K piece above is such a crack-up. Yes, in fact, there are some positive things to life after divorce. I want to thank the reader who sent this to me and invite you to consider some of the upsides of life’s downside.
Take the following 50 ways with a tinge of humor – some of these may be true for you and some may just make you laugh.
You can live through anything – once you survive divorce, you’ll be ready for triple bypass surgery or being sent off into battlefields in the Middle East.
You get to watch what you want on television every single day. You can watch three shows at once and flip through the channels endlessly.
You don’t have to ask permission to do anything.
You take your next trip by simply booking your ticket – no discussions needed.
You’ll start getting healthier and taking better care of yourself. When married, your personal care and looks don’t matter so much. When you’re single again, you start to care about your physical appearance.
You can eat want you want – there’s no one to count calories for you or remind you of what the doctor said.
You’ll have peace of mind.
You’ll experience joy over simple daily pleasures.
You’ll experience happiness for all the positive things in your life.
The kids, if you have them, and as Louis CK points out in the video, stay with you only half the time. You become a better parent because you have to be a great parent only half the time!
You become friends with your ex and actually start liking each other.
No one is around to criticize you, make fun of you or tell you how inadequate you are.
All the money you earn is your own.
You can live in a smaller house and keep it clean!
You can practice minimalism and live a simpler life. Less stuff, less clothes, less clutter!
There’s no one holding you back from following your dreams.
You can decorate the house as you’d like.
You can decorate the room as you’d like.
There’s no waiting for the bathroom!
You don’t have to put up with your ex’s bad habits.
You don’t have to repeatedly remind someone else to do something – unless you have kids, of course!
You don’t have to spend time with your ex’s family; hey, this might actually start looking pretty good to you if you’re married today!
No more mothers-in-law!
You can start over and you have a second shot to create the kind of life you want.
You can go back to school if you feel like it or start an entirely new career.
You can dress as you’d like – you don’t have to listen to anyone else’s input on the clothes you wear.
There’s no need to pick up shoes and clothes lying all over your room and house.
There’s no one turning your house into a mess and no need to spend all day cleaning it up.
You can be friends and hang out with the people you enjoy spending time with.
You can buy as many shoes as you’d like. Buy as many jackets as you’d like. As many purses as you’d like…
No one’s rushing you when you go shopping (except the kids, of course…).
Cooking for one is much easier than cooking for two – take-out anybody?
Instead of having your ex fix things around the house, you can hire a professional who does the job correctly and for surprisingly less than you expected.
You won’t spend time figuring out how to change your ex!
You’ll have freedom.
You’ll have Independence.
You can have late nights out on weekdays. Happy hours – every day!
You have fewer obligations to attend boring family events you had no interest in going to anyway.
Insight and reflections are opportunities for self-improvement – no one would have taught you more about yourself than your ex.
You experience the excitement of dating and meeting new people. You have the added benefit of knowing who is good for you and who you should stay away from.
If your divorce is done, you’re done with divorce lawyers and divorce court. Hallelujah!
No more couples counseling – which only made you more agitated after the session than you were before it.
Not speaking to your ex again is a gift that keeps on giving.
No more disagreements about politics, religion, social issues or world issues.
No oneis holding you back or keeping you away from the life you desire.
Your kis grow up in happy households without bitter fights between you and your ex.
No moe fighting, screaming or emotional breakdowns because of your ex.
You n longer have to spend hours talking to your friends about all the problems in your marriage.
You don’t have to be someone else – you can fully embrace who you are and show up in the world as your authentic self.
After divorce, you’ll practice more humility, compassion and kindness to others who have gone through serious life shake-ups or divorces themselves. Nothing makes you more empathetic and compassionate than surviving a divorce.
If you’re still married and want to remain so, make it work! Do the work.
If you’re running out of options and divorce seems inevitable, know that it’s not the end of the world.
There are a few silver linings and many benefits of life after divorce
Vishnu writes a popular self-help and divorce blog at www.vishnusvirtues.com. He has been writing since college where his famous, family newsletter column has turned into a blog. He shares his 4 year journey of divorce along with his spiritual, emotional and personal insights. He writes about overcoming divorce and specifically, how to overcome the shame and stigma of divorce in the Indian community. His “eat, pray, love” journey (again, post divorce) has taken him to Nicaragua, Costa Rica, Burma and India. In his spare time Vishnu reads, writes, meditates and spends times at the beaches in sunny Southern California.
I used to get strange looks sometimes, usually after I said something without my filter in place. I would quickly retract and think about putting my filter on before speaking. I would edit myself for approval. That was a long time ago, when I was much older. Continue reading “The Wine Diaries-Editing For Approval”
Fear is part of human nature. It’s a necessary emotion designed to keep us from harm. But what about FEAR that holds us back from trying, challenging, leaving, starting, knowing, believing…? It stops us. It causes doubt and hesitation. We need to overcome it to meet the challenge, to try that thing, to go forward and take the next step. It’s scary but it can be done. Continue reading “Is Your Fear Holding You Back?”
Warning: this post is full of double meanings and suggestive scenes. Ladies, have you found your HANDYMAN yet? Every ‘single’ woman needs a HandyMan on her speed dial. Preferably, he’ll know how to use a variety of tools to fix your broken toilet OR your broken heart…”hey Baby, I’m your handy man…” As James Taylor crooned back in the day. Continue reading “Have You Found Your Handyman?”
Last year I wrote about Alicia Florrick of The Good Wife. I took a look at her character and how she sacrifices for a cheating husband. She’s a great character study in discussing marriage, divorce, sacrifice and loyalty (heavy stuff). If you missed it you can read it here. So, after watching last week’s episode with a killer twist, I was moved to write once again, about Alicia Florrick and why we don’t want to be her. Continue reading “The Good Wife Part 2”