Can we talk about the hot flashes, ladies? I should invite the men to weigh in as well. I believe men experience them too but maybe not as intensely. When these first began, I didn’t even realize it was really a hot flash, per se. Every night around 10 pm I would warm right up and have to take off my sweater or a layer. I just thought the room had warmed up for some odd reason.
Denial isn’t just a river, you know.
Eventually, when the sweaty brow, pits, breasts and neck all began to go along with these random tropical vacations, I had to finally face the truth. I was entering into menopause—like it or not.
Hot Flashes of Confidence or Rage?
I try to look at it as hot flashes of confidence although I have to admit it can also be hot flashes of rage. It really depends on what I’m trying to do the moment the hot flash sneaks up on me. For example, when I’m on the hunt for something but can’t find it for the life of me (say a AA battery for my mouse)—or I’m trying to thread a needle, or I’m stirring something over a hot stove, and a hot flash strikes—I feel rage momentarily and lose my concentration. BUT if I have a hot flash start up while I’m on the couch watching Gilmore Girls, I just nonchalantly remove a layer, lift my hair off the back of my neck and carry on.
“Hot flash and carry on” Hey, that’s a good slogan.
OR “Hot flash and rage on” That’s good too.
Guys, look out!
All I can say is Guys, look out if the lady you’re divorcing is going through menopausal symptoms. It’s your head. Better watch what kind of shit you try at, cuz she in’t puttin’ up wit it. I just went all southern slang there.
I have resorted to tying a favorite cotton kerchief to my purse. That way it’s at hand for a hot flash when I’m out in public…I can quickly use it to discreetly dab at the beads of sweat that have magically formed on my forehead, upper lip and cheeks. Yes, ladies, we’re positively
raging glowing! My daughter refers to this as my “meno buddy”.
My Hot Flash Theory
I was recently out with my girlfriends where I shared my theory about the purpose of menopause. It’s a perplexing phase a woman goes through and hardly seems fair considering everything her body has done up to this point. That’s why I wracked my tiny brain to try to reason with nature to explain this bizarre ‘change of life’.
That’s when it hit me. This must have begun in the caveman days. Likely the unions of the day were purely to reproduce and make cave drawings, and fires. Yes? So, it stands to reason that as the woman ages, the caveman continues breeding but must do this with the younger woman. He’s a caveman and therefore of small brain, large balls and a non-stop drive to breed…likely he has a harem.
My theory is that the caveman exiles the older woman as she passes child bearing years. He has little use for her now (and she perhaps has even less use for him) and casts her out for the younger cavewoman.
Nature kindly bestowed the symptom of hot flashes as an adaptive measure to allow women to survive (happily) on their own outside the cave. Eventually they found their own caves and became the “hot” queens of their castles without any need for the caveman. In fact, we could go further and say the menopausal cave woman, found younger men to help her around the cave and keep her fires burning. She’s burning plenty.
Confidence and rage can be summoned in equal measure by the menopausal woman…so let’s use these little flashes of heat to our advantage, just like the cave woman probably did.
So how ’bout you? Have you experienced the heat? Or are you one of the lucky ones who doesn’t get hot flashes (I hate you).